Make no mistake about it: this is the slowest vehicle that will ever be featured here. It’s probably the least fuel efficient as well, but we don’t really give a crap about that.

This monster is the crawler-transporter that lugs the Space Shuttle from its “service bay” to the launch pad down at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. Only saying that actually sells this machine short. It’s had the duty of hauling every heavy-duty space rocket since the days of the Apollo missions and their Saturn V propelled antics.

Telling you that also leads us to tell you this machine was a heck of a bargain. The taxpayers shelled out $14 million to build it (there are actually two of these that are identical and the $14 million is “each”) and we’ve gotten decades of dutiful service out of it since the crawler’s introduction in 1965. This baby deserves a national holiday.

Now down to brass tacks. This machine weighs 5.4 million pounds. In our book, that’s reasonably heavy—we’re not sure what your standards are, but that’s us. It can travel at a maximum speed of 1 mph when loaded and 2 mph empty. The feeling of the wind rushing through your hair when driving it unloaded must really be something.

The crawler’s one very important function is its ability to self level. Keeping the deck flat is very important in order to keep the Space Shuttle from crashing to the Earth in a giant heap before it ever even takes off. The platform is adjustable (independently) from all four corners, up to 6 feet either way. A system of lasers is used to keep everything billiard-table flat.

Here’s the part that would make Al Gore fill his shorts. The machine gets about 150 gallons per mile and it’s a diesel! Power is supplied by four 1,340hp generators. Those generators are spun by two massive 2,700hp Alco (Alco is short for the American Locomotive Company) diesel engines. It has a fuel capacity of 5,000 gallons. The cleats on the tracks weight about a ton a piece.

The two crawlers have logged about 2,500 miles each while making the 3.5-mile (one way) trip to the launch pad and back in Florida and they show no signs of slowing. Even when we ditch the Space Shuttle in 2010, the crawlers will still be the vehicle of choice to move the world’s baddest ass hot rod.

It’s funny to consider, but without these massive, lumbering, unsung heroes, there’d be no moon shot, no Apollo 13, and no astronaut ice cream. We’re especially thankful for the last part.