If you plonk down less than a grand for a car that supposedly runs and drives, you’re taking a risk and you know it. It’s why race series like King of the Heap, ChumpCar and LeMons draw wanna-be racers…half the goal is to simply run, let alone finish in any place whatsoever. For a street car, it’s an even bigger crapshoot. Sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you get…well, screwed. And that doesn’t mean by buying the car alone, but the fun you’ll have in keeping said beater running. I’m one of those gluttons for punishment that never learn their lesson. After the $650 1981 Dodge Mirada I dubbed “Project SuperBeater”, with it’s clothespinned-on spark plug wires, self-destructing seats and those (CENSORED) dash lights from the depths of Hell itself, you’d think that I would stay away from cheap cars. Fast forward almost ten years, and I nearly made a convertible out of a rolled-over Ford Explorer and spent a year bombing around in a decrepit Cadillac limo. There is no hope for me. Nor, is there a cure, much to the chagrin of my wife.

Sometimes, though, you might find a gem. The Oldsmobile that Dylan McCool picked up had the chops to be decent…it just looked like the B-body wagon nobody wanted anymore. It’s nothing special, just another fake-wood B-body wagon, but for a beater daily, that isn’t a bad place to start. For a few hundred bucks, it’s a downright score in our eyes, provided it didn’t become a problem. Surprise, it did. It bent pushrods with ease. It was a basket case of vacuum hoses that all needed to be replaced at some point, it’s fuel tank needed to be replaced…not cleaned, replaced…and that was just to get it close to streetable. Hear the story, see the carnage, and learn why the Oldsmobile got sent on down the road in this testament to knowing when to quit while you’re ahead. It wasn’t a bad car, but it wasn’t a good car and honestly, he’s got plenty of projects that need attention at the moment. Letting one go won’t hurt.

And no, this hasn’t detracted me in the least. In fact, I’m looking for another cheap beater right now…