Do we really need to hash out the weather for an intro this week? Here it is in a nutshell: “It gon’ rain!” Thanks, Ollie. I don’t know how many races got soaked to the bone…even the horses in the Kentucky Derby got it bad. By the time the race was over and the judges were mulling over what is surely a controversial ending, horses and jockeys alike looked like they had gone mudding for the weekend instead of lapping a prestigious track! But whatever…weather is weather, random news bites are still going to appear on our desk, and we’re still going to roast them and serve them up to you as Scrapple…enjoy! It goes great with a mint julep!

1. Calm the hell down, Luke Duke…Adding another name to our idiot criminal list: Glen M. Grubb. Our steely-eyed hero here is going to spend six years in the Graybar Motel over a road rage incident that stemmed from a brake-checking incident. After the driver of a Ford truck tapped the brakes in front of Grubb’s Pontiac, Grubb, with his fianceé and her two daughters in the car, chased the truck and then fired a crossbow, striking the back of the cab just beside the rear window. Grubb claimed that he shot the crossbow in self-defense, but in a jail recording that got tossed out as evidence at the last minute, he was caught bragging about his accuracy and wishing that he had a broadhead hunting tip instead of a practice tip on the bolt, implying that he could’ve taken the other driver out.

Question: Who the hell shoots a crossbow “in self defense” out of a moving car? Answer: NOBODY, YOU DOLT.

2. GurīnheruImitation is the sincerest form of flattery…that’s the saying, right? Seems that Toyota is going to go with that, as they have made a 3.3-mile long track that attempts to emulate the famed Nurburgring track as best as one can. Known Toyota Technical Center Shimoyama, the 1,600 acre site in Aichi  has eleven total tracks designed to test vehicles to their limits. Construction is ongoing for more setups, such as a high-speed course and courses with different road surface types. Does this mean that a Camry is now going to handle like a BMW? Well, it would help with that whole “plain vanilla” reputation the Camry has…

3. Making ICEing a punishable offense…Okay, we get it…you hate the idea of electric cars are are convinced that your twelve-year-old diesel pickup is the hottest thing going. We couldn’t tell by the rolling clouds of smoke that look like a vaping convention gone horribly wrong or the in no way subtle stickers plastered over the back window that explains your engine brand alliance with crude sexual humor. But if you like to park at EV charging stations in some sort of protest…or because you’re bent on being a pain in the ass to an EV owner…expect to see the cops cracking down on you with fines and potential towing bills. You don’t like EVs? Fine, don’t own one. But don’t be a dick to the guy who does.

4. *sniff!* I’m so proud…

Per FCA, the Hellephant crate engine, the 426ci crate Gen III Hemi that swings the big-ass 1,000 horsepower bat, sold out it’s first batch in 48 hours. SOLD. OUT. These are nearly $30K engines brand new, and they are SOLD OUT. FCA will put out news if they are able to open up the order banks again once another batch gets put together by hand.

5. The SMARTest decision ever made.

Smart is done in the United States and Canada. Unless you enjoy using one as your pit vehicle, will you really miss them? We doubt it. Good try, Daimler, but no thanks.