When perusing the bowels of the interwebs looking for interesting vehicles for sale, you are usually met with very brief, somewhat descriptive ads that might tell you some info about what you could be getting into upon purchase. And more times than not (especially when it comes to Craigslist ads), you will be lucky to get photos of the car that actually show clear pictures of the vehicle and have somewhat legible grammar. But every once in a while, we are blessed with a tale of how much better your life will be after you purchase the car for sale. We’ve seen many of those ads over the years, and they are great. Even rarer still are ads that are meant to both entertain AND warn potential buyers of the hardships the prospective vehicle will bring them in life.

Today, we at BangShift present to you this ad for a Gold 2004 Maserati Coupe GT. Offered up for sale in Centreville, MD, this car has been less than a delight to own for it’s current owner. You know what? We’ll let them tell the tale!

Don’t need a 16k Paperweight? Of course you don’t! How about an Italian money toilet!

Some of you may recognize this as a 2004 Maserati Coupe’ (also known as the 4200 GT). Don’t let that gorgeous Italian body fool you though, this car is Satan’s chariot to Hell (or bankruptcy).

I do not exaggerate when I say that this car has been in the shop HALF the time I have owned it. In the last 6 months, I have put ELEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS into it in parts and labor and the thing still isn’t right.

I’m not rich. I’m just an average dude that always wanted a Maserati. Since I was a kid I lusted after those Italian curves and exhaust note. Now my own kids come to me and ask me why there’s no food to eat and the electricity has been turned off and I have to tell them it’s because Daddy’s car is sick again.

This car has a new clutch, new clutch actuator, position sensor, F1 pump and relay, gear selector switch (a 2k SWITCH) new tie rods and new tires. It has the miraculous F1 transmission. As in if it works, it is a miracle. It is also seemingly inhabited by evil spirits.

The voodoo priests at the Maserati dealer insist it’s fixed. But it’s not. And I’ve seen their facility. There’s no tools, just an altar to Alejandro DeTomaso where they place the still beating hearts and smoking wallets of Maserati owners and ask for a vision of what the @#$$ is wrong with their clients’ cars.

Come take a look at it! It’s Beautiful! It WILL let you down. You might think that since I poured so much money into it, that there must just be one more thing and then it will be perfect. You can drive it home and laugh at the poor slob that you bought it from who did all the work for you. Nope. Not gonna happen. This car will make you cry.

So why am I asking 16 grand for it? Good question. I’m taking a HUGE loss at that price and that’s the lowest price I can let it go for and still be able to pay my mortgage. If that’s too much, don’t buy it. I don’t blame you.

Come look at it! Bring a witch doctor and maybe, just maybe, if the stars are aligned just right you can drive it. DO NOT DRIVE IT. If you drive it, you will want it. It is fast. It is beautiful. It makes a sound like angels revving their angelmobiles.

I want this thing out of my sight. I’m tired of sitting in it at night drinking and making engine noises with my mouth while I pretend it is not a huge pile of disappointment and debt.

Do not offer me 5k for it. The Trident badge alone makes it worth more than that. I don’t have to sell it. It can sit in my garage and I can continue to hate it. I don’t HAVE to sell it. I WANT to. There’s a difference.

Well, then. Wowzers….

Also, there’s a few Craigslisty pics for your enjoyment!

Here’s the Maserati in it’s natural habitat, on the side of the road with it’s hood up. These things do look great and are very nice inside and out, but as you can tell from this seller’s ad, they are maintenance nightmares! I have a friend who works at a high end shop that services these things regularly. Every time I visit him at the shop, there’s at least one of these undergoing major, expensive surgery. He has told me to avoid early models like the plague for various reasons, one of them being unreliable transmissions. From what I understand, the Ferrari-derived F1 dual clutch transmission is a real problem in these. They were spec’ed out for the much lighter Ferrari models, but ended up in the Maserati Coupes and Quattroportes with minimal changes, therefore they like to blow up prematurely. Later models don’t have this issue. At least the seller replaced those parts already so the prospective buyer won’t have to! But don’t worry, you’ll have your hands full replacing electrics, faulty gauge clusters, prematurely failed heater cores, and more!

Under that skinny hood are 4.2 litres of thoroughbred Italian V8 goodness. They sound amazing and make good power, but like most Italian cars, they are finicky and largely unreliable. And hey, if it’s anyone here that’s going to trash Italian cars, it’s me! Being very Italian myself, I love them, but the car guy in me knows to stay away if I don’t want my heart broken. The guy who bought this one learned the hard way.

While admittedly a terrible shot, the interiors on these cars look great and don’t look too dated. That said, the fit and finish of these mid-2000’s Maseratis can leave a lot to be desired. I once saw a brand new Quattroporte (that’s “four door” in Italian) with a sport package at a car show around 2007 with a window sticker of $133,000. The leather on the center console was already flopping around and coming off! If they can’t get an armrest right on a $133k car, I shudder to think what else could go wrong!

In 10 years, are these going to be come the running joke of automotive enthusiasts like the 80’s Biturbo cars are now? Who knows, but it’s safe to say that you could learn from this poor guy’s experience and avoid the siren’s call of that tempting Italian V8 and avoid these at all costs. If you are a glutton for punishment and want to see this thing for yourself, check out the ad HERE. Good luck, because you’re gonna need it!

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