With the recent announcements regarding the GM Performance Division and the fact that the GMPD engineers have been reassigned to other projects, we thought it would be good to look into the future and clue you in as to how you might know what projects those guys and gals wound up working on.
THE TOP 11 WAYS YOU’LL KNOW WHERE THE GMPD ENGINEERS WERE REASSIGNED
11) Overdrive on/off switch on the 2010 Chevy Aveo activates factory installed “Sneaky Pete” nitrous system, now named, “Pass-assist.”
10) 2011 Chevy Cobalt now available with “Eco-chargers.” Displacement has been reduced to 1.5L but output is 400hp. Mileage? 39 city/46 highway.
9) 2012 Chevy Volt features “LS charge mode.” Charge is provided by an LS7 that may or may not be hooked to a transmission to provide extra umph during heavy acceleration.
8) Posi-trac, errr, “Dynamic Traction Enhancement” is now standard equipment on all vehicles, insuring another generation of gearheaded gremmies laying two strips of rubber.
7) Belt-driven “air changers” are marketed as devices to aid the air conditioning system of the car, but as a side benefit, they also help to “enhance” the volumetric efficiency of the engine, for the environment’s sake of course.
6) Pressing the horn button on a new Volt plays a voice that screams, “Your Prius Sucks!”
5) GM introduces an “Are you friggin’ happy now?!” edition of the Corvette featuring a 700hp engine, carbon fiber body and chassis, and low rolling resistance tires which gets 40 mpg and is considered a Zero Emissions Vehicle. It also wipes the floor with everything but an F/18. The new-car press still isn’t happy.
4) Suddenly, every GM truck platform has 10 optional motors.
3) GM develops a new generation mini-van with a mid-mounted engine, all wheel drive, and Corvette suspension. The mid-mounted engine comes with a vinyl pad for the kids to sit on.
2) The Pontiac Solstice is made available with a towing package featuring a “high torque” motor. It’s the LS9.
1) Buick suddenly starts building cars the people outside of China and under 75 years old want to buy.
