Last night Brian called me up and we had the following conversation:
Brian: “Nutting, it’s the middle of the week and your last two blog items have been weak sauce, so I’ve got a challenge for you: I want you to rank the top eleven G-bodies from best to worst. Oh, and you’ve been using too many words; no one likes words, so you only get thirty per car to defend your opinion”
Nutting: “But G-bodies are like my children…You want me to rank my children?
Brian: “Yes, starting with the ugly ones”
Ok, so I may have taken some liberties with the actual dialog, but the spirit is there: Eleven spots, eleven G-bodies, thirty words per car (Which is ridiculous by the way: there are Chinese fortune cookie fortunes with more than thirty words…), and I need to rank them from best to worst.
Since there’s way more than eleven G-bodies if you include the ‘78-81 “A-body specials” (Which I am lumping in as G-bodies since the’re so similar) as well as numerous submodels and trim levels, I’m inevitably going to leave out a few vehicles, so don’t feel slighted that your ‘81 Pontiac Safari wagon didn’t make the cut.
There I go with too many words again; let’s do this, starting with the “Worst” G-bodies (Man, this is going to be rough).
11. 1982-86 Pontiac Bonneville
The ‘78-81 Pontiac Lemans coupe was kind of a cool car that wasn’t half-bad looking, so of course GM killed it off and replaced it with the Bonneville, which, well, just look at it…
10. 1986 Pontiac Grand Prix 2+2
Doesn’t matter that this car is a NASCAR homologation special, it’s a slightly more aerodynamic Grand Prix, which is the ugliest G-body ever. I guess the rear spoiler is kinda cool.
9. 1978 -87 GMC Caballero
Wikipedia best sums up the Caballero: “Other than different nameplates and minor trim variations, it is difficult to distinguish a Caballero from an El Camino at more than 10 paces distance”. Seriously, they’re so similar that I don’t even know if the photo I posted is of the GMC or the Chevy. Why does it even exist?
8. 1986-87 Chevrolet Monte Carlo SS Aerocoupe
I’m going to take a ton of flack for this from my fellow Monte lovers, but I really don’t care: They only made 200 Aerocoupes in ‘86 and that’s 200 too many. Unfortunately they were so popular that they made 6052 more in ‘87. The rear window on those cars is like a bad nose job: everyone knows it looks terrible, but you paid a lot of money for it so they’re trying to be nice. (I went way over thirty words on this one, but I needed to vent. Ok, now I feel better)
7. 1982-87 Chevrolet El Camino
Spanish for “The Camino” (I’m obviously kidding: I have no idea what “El” means in English), for some reason I prefer the quad-headlight design of this perfect storm of car, truck, and floppy G-body frame. I want one, bad.
6. 1979 Chevrolet Monte Carlo
NOW this list is on the up-swing!
Nothing else needed other than, “You’re in the office, baby”
5. 1978-81 Chevrolet Malibu Coupe/Wagon
While they were considered plain-jane transportation back in the day, the majority of Malibus now spend their time terrorizing local drag strips. The only thing better than a single-headlight two-door Malibu is a single-headlight Malibu wagon, because there’s nothing like a race car that can haul its own equipment to the track.
4. 1984 Oldsmobile Cutlass Hurst Olds
On paper this car is stereotypical ’80s awesomeness: Weak 307 engine that for some reason is backed by an 8.5” rear, crazy sticker package, two-tone paint, and the greatest shifter ever.
3. 1988 Chevrolet Monte Carlo SS
The “belly button” of G-bodies (Everyone had one or knows someone that had one), the ‘88 model had the dubious honor of being GM’s last “true mid-sized muscle car” with a full-frame, solid rear axle, and carbureted V8. Of course the 305 only put out 180 horsepower, but don’t ruin the moment for me.
2. 1987 Buick Regal GNX
How is The Baddest Turbo Regal Ever not number 1, you ask? Mainly because it was a “store it in a bubble” car as soon as it was announced. Still on my “money is no object” wish list and I would daily drive it just because.
1. 1987 “WE4” Buick Regal
Rarer, lighter, and less expensive than a Grand National with all of the power and less flash. The collectable Turbo Regal for normal Joes that can still pass for a Grand National to the untrained eye. Very cool.
There we have it, my somewhat painful to write list of eleven of the best and worst G-bodies. Am I a heathen for dissing the Aero cars? Did I miss a G-body that is a real stinker (I know that someone will comment that they’re all turds…) or deserves to be on the “Best” portion of the list?
Other than perhaps the murder-black Turbo Buicks, the 86 Grand Prix 2+2 is the most beautiful car on the list!
Thumbs up to number 5, and bonus points for the Wagon!!!
I drove nothing but G-bodies for 10 years, starting with my very first- a 78 Monte Carlo. Of course, this was back when you could buy one for $250 in any classified section.
I love the 78-80 for being the lightest with the best hips. I like the Cutlass for being the best looking. I like all of them for being the ‘unversal receivers’ of GM parts bin engineering.
I’d love to have another some day, build a strippo NASCAR homage aerocoupe with all the tricks I learned to terrorize the neighbors.
With the name Nutting you MUST have taken a lot of shots to the head. I think the Aero coupe was cool even though I wouldn’t own one . (rear glass breakage anxiety). 🙂
Personally I have a very deep love for the 81-87 Cutlass Supreme, I have the awful/awesome idea to find a granny version in white with the landau top blue interior complete with box of tissue on the rear package tray and that ugly couch upholstered bench and keep the whole mess stock down to the whitewalls and wire hubcaps but cram either a nasty LS or entire Grand National drivetrain in it then go run 10s before i get booted from the track for no cage.
Yeah, #5. Over the years I’ve had 4 wagons, 2 coupes and an Elky. I dig ’em. It is, however, possible that I’ve just never known better all these years. If I can find a smart, hip, young helper who’ll work cheap for the experience, I’ll build another wagon this spring.
Really? 78-80 Monte along with the Cutlass and Regal WERE THEE UGLIEST g-bodies. And yet you ranm it higher than both Aerocoupes.
Shame on you! 8(
I just found a true, old lady type “79 Malibu, with a 1/2 dead V-6 and badly faded cream colored paint. We’re putting in a mild 383 sbc, etc. etc. It should be a good sleeper if we don’t carried away.
I can certainly say a lot of Ford fans didn’t much like the 2+2 or the Aerocoupe because of how they affected the Thunderbird’s advantage in superspeedway aerodynamics!
Also, the ’78-’80 Buick and Oldsmobile fastbacks weren’t terribly attractive or well-received by the market, but apparently miss this list on a technicality: they were A-bodies . . . .
Started driving in a1978 GP in 83 it had a 301 4 bbl then to a 79 4dr Bu on hd springs and steelies and dog dishes it had an old 307 . Not a 9C1 but to the masses it passed a lil bit for one. Fwd to 1990 bought a gran ma 78 2 dr 305. drove it for 8 yrs, parked it pulled the 400 i had to install 4 yrs before and by then i got hooked on an 85 Elky same thing drove it every day till 2008 -09 Now have an 88 monte LS with a 350 and an 84 Elky in the garage waitin to be finished. Wanting another Bu or maybe a wagon to stuff a big block into for grocery getting
Michael
Man, I thought the Grand Prix 2+2s were freakin’ sweet. Saw a fairly mint one this year at a swap meet this year, woulda taken it home if I had the money. I’d take an H/O over a Monte SS any day too. The Regals are indeed the best of the bunch though.
Any G body with a diesel automatically goes to the bottom of the list.
i have a 78 grand am for sale.
make someone a good deal.
I know two guys with G-Bodies, they literally cover both ends of the spectrum. One guy as an all original Monte SS that he just rebuilt after it got hit by a teenage girl on a cellphone. The other guy has a Grand Prix on 20″s that sits taller than my Jeep. Also I just remembered my uncle might still have his aero coupe Monte, not sure if anybody bought it yet or not.
The T-Type Regals really fly under the radar. Good pick for number one.
Anyone who likes G Bodies is a good guy in my book.
A “worst” list without a diesel?
#7 and #9 are the same damn car!
Turd-gens are ugly. Yes, even the Training Day car.
Of course there will be a black Buick as #1. To be expected.
I own #3 & #5.
I have an 87ss Monte, an 80 Malibu with 38k on it and one 2+2 in the garage and another 2+2 out in the yard, repainting one of the 2+2’s now but really have no love or attachment to either Pontiac, I’m certain by the time I’m done refinishing one I’ll be in it more than it’s worth,both will still be sent down the road, I’ve owned both chevs for 20 years now, my boys have already spoken for them.
How are we suppose to take this serious when you can’t even identify a car properly?
#4 is not a 1984.
Do you research your work?
If you’re taking this 100% seriously then you’re doing it wrong…
How about an A/G with a factory 350 Chevy, 4-speed manual trans and no computer? Hope to finally be driving my ’78 SS El Camino this year.