Why on Earth would I subject three of my cars to an online open-mic comedy roast? What good could possibly come out of it? Humility, that’s what. We get so tied up in how great our cars are, regardless, that they become something held much higher than they should be. We don’t see the flaws, but other people do, and they can call us out on our BS. In person, that would be a dicey issue. On the Internet…what am I gonna do, type loudly towards you in anger? Please. Ask any twelve-year-old that plays Xbox Online how easy it is to piss people off online and not get their just rewards for their asshole behavior.
CarThrottle has a neat little section called “Roast My Car”, and I decided to throw three of my vehicles into the mix: the Angry Grandpa Chrysler 300C, the Raven Imperial, and the Project SuperBeater 1981 Dodge Mirada I worked on for years. The 300C is a typical used car, and the total purchase price of the other two is $650…and I only paid for the Mirada, since the Imperial was a “get it out of my yard now” kind of deal. To me, they are all awesome cars, but to the world? Here’s the photos chosen and the comments I got:
11. “I think everyone is wondering why you’re sitting in a cardboard box in the middle of the racetrack.” -Keanen Hall
10. “I see you are trying to take a corner. Good luck with that.” -BMarmis
9. “It’s not cool to get people to roast your grandma’s car.” -John Paul Trapp
8. “gasp it’s turning!” -The Almighty CC
7. “I see that you like a practical car… that grill will make a perfect barbecue!” -Justin
6. “Was this car on Pimp My Ride?” -Chris Harvey
5. “The local pimp called, he wants his car back.” -Josh Hickman
4. “Not doing so well in the drug business?” -gary busey
3. “I’m the reason why gas prices are high.” -anas_r34
2. “It has the same drag coefficient as the Empire State Building.” -BMWfan
1. “Jesse, we need to roast.” -Wakallord
Not bad, CarThrottle, not bad. But surely you readers of BangShift can do better? Give it your best shot!