When my wife and I purchased our house back in 2015, we went a bit nuts with the appliances. Our refrigerator unit is wicked. Our stove is amazing. Our dryer is a beast, especially given how much cat hair and long, blonde hair gets caught in the lint trap every cycle. But our washer…well, let’s be kind about it. Our washer is one finicky bitch. Prior to, every washer I had was an old Speed Queen branded thing that would take a mile of clothes and a dose of powder and the end result was cleaner clothes. The hyper thing that we brought into our home? Yeah, it’s got a thing that auto-balances the load, so instead of turning the house into Los Angeles circa 1989, it freaks out, beeps out a plea, then refills, tries again, and repeats over and over until we either step in and do it ourselves or until our water bill eclipses the value of every car in the driveway.

So, in short, the new washer sucks and could use a kick in the ass. But how do you go about it? Well, that’s where out friends at Garage54 in Russia have something to consider. Their solution is to mate an engine and transmission up to the drum of a front-load washer and to give the laundry several shades of hell. I do have a spare engine in the garage and a transmission that could, theoretically, do the job…hmmm…