I’m pretty sure that the statute of limitations is long since past, so let’s talk about one night in December over ten years ago, when I took a van owned by the military, with at least seven other people inside of it, and proceeded to push it right up to the speed limiter in the middle of the night with a cop leading us along. Or maybe I hint about what happened to one poor Ford Econoline that to my knowledge, never left the training area of Fort Irwin, California. Maybe we explain the night that a Dodge B-250 van got turned into a drift missile thanks to the snow and ice that was on the ground, or the Ram Vans that we raced up and down the Pikes Peak road that runs to the summit. No, I’m not kidding about that at all, that was the summer of 2000, when I worked on the tourist trap on top of the mountain.
You say “van” as a hot rodder, and two images come to mind: the sketchy AF conversion van that is probably converting velour and tons of stuffing into harmful chemicals and a strain of as-yet-unidentified mold, and a 1970s-era shaggin’ wagon, complete with porthole windows, mirrored ceiling, and shag carpeting that shines line a supernova the moment somebody turns a black light on. Everything else might as well be a delivery van. The rolling breadbox is the Rodney Dangerfield of automobiles…useful, needed, but won’t get respect. Is it all down to the engine being buried under the bodywork? Is that it?
Cleetus tapped Summit Racing Equipment, one of his sponsors, for a vehicle to use as advertising during his upcoming “Burnout Rivals” throwdown. Summit handed off a well-worn Chevrolet Express van that is still kitted up to be a work van, but all Cleetus and James see is a 6.0 LS engine, a rear axle that’s big enough to take abuse, and what they are calling an “untraditional style of advertising”. Ya think? It might be untraditional but Cleetus has made a living by killing tires off…why not do it in a nitrous-assisted cargo van?
