If you didn’t know, from the moment I first got onto the Internet I was affiliated with Mopar FMJ forums. And if you don’t know what that means, FMJ is a grouping of three Chrysler body codes that are pretty much the same car underneath, but with different body shapes. F-bodies are the 1976-80 Dodge Aspen and Plymouth Volaré and subsequent models, including the Kit Cars, Aspen R/T, and 1976-80 Road Runner. M-cars are the 1977-89 Dodge Diplomat, Plymouth Gran Fury, Chrysler LeBaron, Chrysler Fifth Avenue, and a whole host of other models rarely seen or cared about, and the J-bodies are the strange two-door coupes, including the second-generation Chrysler Cordoba, the Dodge Mirada, and the Imperial coupe. I’ve owned six M-bodies and two J-cars, but I’ve never owned or for the most part wanted an Aspen or Volare. There is just something about them that doesn’t appeal to me. But I was ready to make a case for this Aspen SE that BigKleib34 caught at the strip. Stock brick-red paint? Base-model flat hubcaps? An 11-second quarter mile? Ok, I’m digging it!

At least, I was until I went digging to find out some information on the power plant propelling Mopar’s biggest pariah. Take a guess…or don’t, because you probably already guessed where it’s going. From who we assume is the owner: “It’s a stock 5.3, LS6 cam, 7665 turbo and a TH400. It’s been 11.2 @ 127 weighing 3900 pounds.” It was running slower because the hot-side pipe had broken and the Aspen was refusing to build boost.

For the FMJ lynch mob preparing their pitchforks and torches: Don’t shoot the messenger. Just be grateful that this Aspen isn’t rotting in a field somewhere.