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Unknown Parts Counter Guy: The Number You Are Calling Has Been Disconnected


Unknown Parts Counter Guy: The Number You Are Calling Has Been Disconnected

If there is a group of people who I can honestly say I pity more than counter guys, it’s anyone who makes their living on the phone with the customer. Being tech support for a customer is second only to being the telemarketer in their eyes: You better know what you’re talking about and you better know it right now, because I’m not sitting on the phone forever! We all have at least dreamt of letting the telemarketer have it with both barrels and with a language content that would raise George Carlin’s eyebrows, drop Andrew Dice Clay’s jaw and cause Redd Foxx to clutch his chest and yell out to Elizabeth. And we all know how touchy customers can be in the store when you’re within arm’s reach of beating them upside the head with a core alternator, so what do you think the tech support guy gets to hear on a daily basis?

liar

The answer is just as bad, if not worse, than you’re picturing. For starters, one guy I know works as a service tech for one of the big-name semi tractor manufacturers. He gets calls from all over the place in the Pacific Northwest region from truckers who are concerned that the rig they are driving might not make the return trip. His job: to do a quick diagnosis over the phone to help the tech who is going to the truck. By no means is it an accurate job, but he tries like hell. One day he gets a call that a severe-duty truck is acting like the alternator/generator (I don’t know and he didn’t respond in time, sorry) was failing and he needed a replacement. Sounds simple enough, right? Nope. Part checked out just fine to the service guy but put any load on and the gauge sank like the Titanic. So what does the trucker do? Calls back to the tech and proceeds to rip him a brand new one over the phone. He says the kinds of things I’ve never said myself, even in the military, and threatens to show up and “personally fire him” for not knowing what was wrong with the truck. He called me that night and said the first thing he did when he got home was to blend some Coke into his Jim Beam to relax. The trucker’s problem? A combination of jacked wiring modifications that were done by someone who ate crayon sandwiches and a loose ground wire in-cab messing with the gauge.

Another guy works at a shop that does quick-turn remanufactured engines for fleets. Cop cars, power companies, that kind of thing. Has a customer call up wanting to know why the 4.6L V8 from a 2010 Crown Victoria was only making 260hp and was barely pulling 18 mpg. Remember, folks, these are stock rebuilds. The power number is an improvement from the 240-250ish range a brand-new Police Interceptor was making and the mileage is right on point for fleet duty. Customer goes ballistic. Tells him that they know everything there is to know about Fords and that the motor should be making at least 300hp, if not more. Tech asked where he got that number. Customer says that his Mustang is a 2010 and he knows it’s at 315hp: “That’s the advertised horsepower”.  I credit the tech guy, because if it was me I would have found something…ANYTHING…smart-assed to tell him. Job be damned, that’s one of the biggest shows of ignorance ever. It’s like in 2 Fast 2 Furious when the kid with the Viper rattles off all the stats, and the guy in the Monte Carlo looks at him and says, “Wow. You can read the brochure.”

dumbass

They aren’t the only stories I have heard, but the problem with the tech guys is that “all calls are subject to monitoring for customer satisfaction” (read: recorded to save our asses once the tech flips out and tells the customer to jam it where the sun never shines). A lot of them aren’t forthcoming with the information, and I’m concerned for their job security when they do. But I’m always willing to give a crowd a voice, so if you’ve got stories you want to share, let’s hear ’em!


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12 thoughts on “Unknown Parts Counter Guy: The Number You Are Calling Has Been Disconnected

  1. Beagle

    did it for a quarter of a century… I’ve heard all kinds of things from customers and techs alike. Some classics from folks that no longer work for that company:

    “Hold please while I transfer you to Mr. DialTone.”

    (from someone who wouldn’t give the tech his number)

    “Okay, well, I have to call you something… How about … Dick. Is that okay with you, Dick? Okay, great, let’s get started Dick”

    (customer provided name at that point)

    “Escalated? Okay, you’re escalated.. When do you want me to call you back?”
    (escalation team member)

    “Talk to my manager? No. I don’t thing so. Sir, my screen came up blank which means … You Don’t Exist” (click)

    The tech guy was getting blind coached (monitored) by a second level boss and got walked within 5 minutes of that beauty. The whole call was too long for me to type up but it was a career classic.

  2. Cyclone03

    I can tell you face to face with pilots is no better.
    About every 3 months we get a new class to the point they are starting to make dissensions as to what is “wrong” with the aircraft.
    A recurring discrepancy is “negative amperage after landing” the limit is -.3 , they “write up” MOMENTARY -.4 amps.
    What happens is they fly around for 1.5 hours,land,roll off runway,taxi and park . Then start shutting everything off,they take all load of the buses and the battery being awesome and the regulator needing to take a breath flashes that -. 4. WE let them tell us all the things they did then ask why you did not follow the checklist when shutting down the engine?
    There mistake is the engine should be shut down before all the electrical load is turned off. All those switches should be left on till engine shut down then set off prior to battery shut off.

  3. Sumgai

    The Crown Vic motor situation would have been easy to explain. 2010 Mustang would have a 3-valve 4.6 with variable cam timing, whereas the Vic is just a 2V without.

  4. Scott Liggett

    My favorite and most recent email exchange is some guy wanting me to predict the gas mileage of our 815 hp 632 big block in his Camaro. I begged my manager to be the sarcastic ass I was born to be, but she said no. If you want an engine making 800 hp with a Holley dominator carb on top, and you are worried you won’t get 20 mpg, keep your stock 350 2 barrel, dweeb. So, my answer to him was a polite, how the hell do I know.

  5. roger

    Back in the day I used to tell people to hold their phone up to their car, but with smartphones they might actually do that… 😀

  6. Guitardrumr

    The movie you were looking for was Tokyo Drift, not 2 Fast 2 Furious, though it was Monte Carlo and a Viper.

  7. greg

    I’m happy to say i ‘ve pulled this several times n luv doin it…. as i’m sure most parts guys have real good memories n the retard on the other end of the phone doesn’t, that been said,I work at a carquest store,so every once in a while i’ll get a call about how they just bought a part and its not fittin right and they wanna know what to do,well i know they didn’t buy from my store so i’ll ask where they bought it at and most of the time it’s from O’REALLYS {wtf really} so i tell them they just called carquest and our manufactures have different installation instructions than a part from o’reallys so they need to talk to the person they bought the part from cuz they should know how to install they’re parts which i know is a big lie and i’m tryin real hard not laugh out loud at this point. The nice thing about the general public is they make a person with average intelligence {like me} seem like a rocket scientist with some of the stupid shit they pull.

  8. Chris

    I’ve been on both sides of the counter. I can can tell you, there’s nothing worse than a parts guy behind the counter that is smug and thinks he knows more you off bat. I worked with a guy like this, dumbest parts guy I ever knew in my life, but he gave out misinformation like it was a favor. Best one I ever heard while he was on the phone, customer didn’t know if it was his front or rear rotors that were warped. “Oh yeah that’s real simple, just run your finger around and you can feel the wave in the rotor”. I smacked my forehead so hard it left a bruise.

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