In the event that some truly magical things happen to me over the course of the next few months and I am able to finally make millions off my idea of a pet lamp, I’d march right down to my local Chevrolet dealer and buy some stuff. One of the stuffs would be a brand new Z/28. I like they way they look and if I had enough money that $75,000 sounded reasonable for a worked up Camaro, I’d not choke on the price. After getting the Camaro, I’d want to feel the freedom of being the millionaire CEO of a pet lamp company. I made this list of 28 things I want to do in a 2014 Z/28 in preparation of that moment. Yes, there have been some electrocutions with test models when people brought them into the tub, but we’ll have that handled before any major governmental recall is mandated. Promise.

In no particular order….here’s 28 things I want to do with a brand new 2014 Camaro Z/28

1.) Compete in the One Lap of America – It would be cool to do this with the car 100% bone stock, right off the showroom floor. Between all the different racing and the vast amount of street miles covered, it would be the place to really showcase the car’s strengths. Also, I’d just stop at GM dealers for oil changes and service on the route.

2.) Take to local autocross – With the car being capable of over a 1G in cornering force and 1.5Gs under braking, it should be REALLY good at cone carving.

3.) Take it to LS-Fest – Obvious reasons here, but it is a very cool event that was lots of fun last year. There will already be a bunch there in 2014 we bet.

4.) Take it to the Camaro5 Fest – Because you could cruise by rows and rows of SS Camaros and ZL1s with your nose up. Commoners!

5.) Paint it like the Penske/Donohue Camaro – I’d also commissions someone to make a larger diameter, historically accurate looking version of Minilite wheels and install them for the retro-futuristic look I’m craving. That Penske/Donohue car had been dipped, tweaked, twisted, and massaged hard. I’d also like to stack the car’s performance up next to it so….

6.) Race it/compare it to the performance of a 1960s or early 1970s Trans-Am Car – This would be GREAT fun and pretty educational. The Z would have to be 100% bone stock and the Trans Am car would have to be as historically accurate as possible. I bet the moden road car would pound the old racer. What do you think?

7.) Road trip the car clear across the United States….and back – There were rumblings when the new Camaro came out that a certain media outlet was talking with Chevy to get a Camaro and race it at every operational quarter mile drag strip in the country. Never happened but it sparked my want of a massive weeks long cross country Camaro road trip. We don’t know what the ride quality of the Z is yet, so it may be more or less pleasurable than I think it would be. No AC, baby!

8.) Do donuts in front of the Ford “Glass House” building in Dearborn, Michigan – Sophomoric, idiotic, and immature. Yes.

9.) Drive it in a 12 hour endurance race with friends – I don’t mean a LeMons or Chump Car style race, I mean a real race with actual race cars and stuff. Yes, it would require a roll cage and other additions but again, driving it to the track and then taking the thing and beating the stuffing out of it for 12 hours would be an amazing test to see how it holds up.

10.) Bracket Race it – Not a drag car? Pfftt….everything’s a drag car here at BangShift. Launching will be the key and being consistent with the shifting could be difficult but the car should run hard and so long as we can cut a light, maybe we’d go a few rounds?

11.) Cruise to a high school reunion in it – I had an ’88 350ci IROC when I graduated in 1998 from high school and lots of people remember the stupidity and antics we pulled in that car. Rolling up in a refrigerator white brandy new Z/28 would sure get all my old pals wound up again. It would probably end badly with tickets, though. That’s how it went back then, anyway.

12.) Ship it to Monaco and haul ass around the F1 course – The F1 course in Monaco is basically the same as it has been since the late 1920s. It is one of the coolest and toughest “street” courses in the world and who wouldn’t want to be hauling ass down roads with mega-million dollar yachts, hot babes, and old buildings lining it.

13.) ‘Cage it and hit the Ohio Mile – My ECTA friends would be happy to see me roll in with a race prepped Z/28 and then let the big LS7 hang with its tongue out for an entire mile down the smooth concrete surface in Wilmington. How fast could/would it go? Who knows but we’d have nitrous ready to go even faster.

14.) Pay off the fuzz and run the Tail of the Dragon at far too high a speed – We’ve never driven the “Tail of the Dragon” but we’ve heard so many stories of how cool the road is, the Z/28 would have to be run through its paces there. Of course, with the millions from the pet lamp project, I’d let the local gentry know that they could get a coffee and things would be OK. Cue the sound of the LS7 bellowing through the woods!

15.) Install exhaust cutouts – The Boss 302 Laguna Seca had the cool side pipes that could be uncorked by unbolting a plate or some such thing. I’d want electronically operated exhaust cutouts that I could flip open at a moment’s notice because when you are cruising down the beach, no one has time to jump out with a jack and wrenches. Chicks dig (open) pipes!

16.) Rent a track, gather some super cars and let ’em eat – Skid pad numbers and braking G-force numbers are one thing but to really gauge where you stand among your other rich friends with super cars, you’d need to rent a track and throw down to see who’s boss.

17.) Bring a ringer pro driver to my personal super car shootout – Being a rich guy with an ego means wanting to win every stinkin’ thing you get involved with so I’d call Tommy Kendall or maybe our guy Jim Pace to handle the driving duties and watch the other guys weep.

18.) Jump it – Not like grand canyon jump or like destructive jump, but like airtime cresting a hill on a road course jump. There are quick rises at places like Infineon that’ll get you some low flying four wheels off action. The point of this exercise is to get a photo with the thing detached from the ground.

19.) Recreate the coolest road trip I ever went on – I mentioned by 1988 IROC. Upon graduation from high school, my parents and the parents of my friend Brian Antonellis agreed to allow us to take a road trip. We basically drove from Massachusetts to St Louis on two lane roads recreating the route of a National Geographic story I read. It was the coolest and I am still amazed to this day that my parents let me do it.

20.) Take it to Targa Newfoundland – This race seems like one of those events that leaves both man and machine grinning but utterly wiped out by the time that it is done. From the roads to the scenery to the massive expense of competing in it, the Targa Newfoundland would be bitchin’ to romp through in the Z/28.

21.) Take entire drivetrain and suspension and slam under ’67 Camaro – If you think that thing is bad ass now, I bet it would be even more badder asser under a lighter 1967 Camaro. It would be expensive to stretch and alter the ’67 body but pet lamp profits would clear that. I’d buy another one to have a factory stock one to sit next to the 1967.

22.) Race one at the 24 Hours of Daytona -We mentioned an endurance race before but this is the most prestigious one in the USA and the place where Z/28 Camaros showed up in droves back in the late 1960s. Jack McClure and Joie Chitwood raced one in 1967. I’d recreate the look of their car.

23.) Make a Ken Block ‘Gymkhana’-esque video – Why should the little rally cars have all the fun? I’d want to make a kick ass, high budget video of the Z/28 doing fun stuff. He shut down ‘Frisco do make his, we’d shut down Scranton, Pa. It would be cheaper.

24.) Run it around the Milford Proving Grounds – Milford is one of the places where this car was born and tested and pounded on to within an inch of its life. Also, the Milford facility is one of those top secret places that gearheads have wanted full access to for decades. The original Z/28, the Penske/Donohue race cars, etc were all developed and/or tested at Milford.

25.) Put a turbo on it – Why? Because everything is better with boost and 500hp isn’t going to get it done against some of the more serious super car iron out there. Just a few precious pounds of boost will really wake it up.

26.) Take it ice racing – Seriously, this would be hilarious. Bring some studded snows or just some dedicated snow tires and get it out there on a frozen lake in a field of beaters. Remember, I am a rich guy with little care for cash, so a few dings and dents here would be handled.

27.) Put it on a track with every Z/28 model ever made – Yes, the new one would walk them all, BUT the fun of that story would be looking at the performance evolution of the cars over the years and perhaps seeing some steps where said evolution actually went backwards. You know at least one of those second gens sucked worse than an earlier model.

28.) Daily drive it for an entire year – Living with a Z/28 as my primary (only?) car for a whole year would be cool. Certainly not intended to be a winter car, that would be the most dicey time of year, but rolling in a Z/28 as my primary, all-weather, daily driver would make me the only guy on the planet doing so (I bet).