There are a lot of things you can do with a car that falls into the “straight-up stupid” file that I’ll happily admit that I’ve done over the years. I’ve sped on Interstates, and not by a little bit. I’ve drifted, done burnouts, performed a ton of stunt maneuvers that would have my license put through a shredder. I’ve buried a car to the framerails on a public beach and I jumped over a friend of mine in a borrowed SUV while doing some off-road romping. I’ve signed my name in rubber in every state I’ve lived in, and I’m proud to admit that. But there is driving intoxicated, and unlike everything else I’ve listed, there is simply no way to slap the wrist of the guilty in that scene.
You can tell someone until they are blue in the face just how stupid intoxicated driving is. It won’t do any good since all you are doing is speaking to them. Words, words, words…you’re sounding less like a concerned friend and more like their nagging mother. Okay, then…here’s proof of what happens when you get tanked, courtesy of a MotorWeek practical exercise involving a closed course, a pair of Ford Thunderbird Turbo Coupes, two staff volunteers, and the state patrol playing bartender in addition to their normal duties. This is what happens. This is the nicest way to say, “Don’t drink and drive.” Don’t make us pull out Copart pictures.
After trying to face slap Beth like a belligerent shite-faced ex-husband on an episode of Live PD, Martin did improve his lap time. With all of that body-roll and Martin nearing blackout status, he did quite well.