Hero level BangShifter Jay Spinella is wholly responsible for sending us the Craigslist ad for what has to be the most terrible and defamed 1968 Pontiac Firebird in history. The seller claims that the car was built in the early 1970s out in New Mexico, it sat in a garage for decades, and now he has it and is trying to off load the creation onto someone who will (a) finish it, (b) throw thermite grenades at it, or (and we are serious) (c) return it to stock. Yes, he states that the car can be turned into a plain, mundane, old 1968 Pontiac Firebird because it can be “brought back to original body”.
The car does run and drive. The seller claims the engine/trans combo to be a Pontiac 350 hooked to a Muncie M22 four speed. That four speed is crucial because it will allow you to impress the women you are scaring off with the car. The gull wing style doors make this thing look like some sort of a Bricklin variant but then you’ll see the wing out back and the two scoops up front that have all the hallmarks of someone wanting to make a big impression in the automotive design world in the same way that the Hindenburg’s captain wanted to make a big impression on the ground crew in New Jersey.
The coolest part of the whole car right now seems to be the vintage Firestone super sport tires that adorn the corners. Those babies are neat but not neat enough to make us consider the $5,000 asking price. To be clear there is NOTHING that would make us consider the $5000 asking price but maybe someone will. Man, is this thing bizarre or what?
In case it sells, here’s the text of the CL ad:
this is a 1968 pontiac firebird one owner 68000 miles come out of new mexico been in garage for 42 years the guy pulled into garage in 1973 and decided to built a coustom car its roof and doors have been cut the floors trunk etc are great no rust at all.can be brougt back to original body or complete this project runs and drives has muncie m22. motor is org 350 and rear. not sure about tranny
Ya know….if you close one eye, cross the other, stand on your head while eating a jolokia pepper…it still looks fugly. Sorry. 🙁
It’s hard to imagine it sat in a garage for decades. I didn’t know they had bath salts in the mid 90s.
I have to reiterate what I’d said when this thing cropped up in the comments yesterday:
Turn it into a weird Mad Max-style car. Give it a big Weiand blower that pokes out the hood and zoomies reaching high up on either side of it, slap some small mud-terrains on it and some extra light bars and ABS plastic “armor” plating and go around town dressed like Lord Humungus.
That is literally the only cool/appropriate/reasonable thing you could do with that monstrosity.
Oh for the love of God in heaven . Two freaking days in a row of this abomination ? Two days in a row my breakfast winding up on the ground ? Two days in a row ?
Hast thou no mercy what so ever Lohnes ???? 😉 ( humor definitely intended)
And yeah … as to mssr . mooseface’s suggestion …. it is the only even semi reasonable thing one might do with this pile of disparate crap .
Go All In and make it a ‘ Mad Max ‘ post apocalyptic gory glory machine …
Urrrrrp …. hack ….. oh damn … some still left …. arrrrrrg !
What a waste of a perfectly good stick holding open the door……
The crapmobile
Looks like it is supposed to be a life size Hot Wheel recreation.
I don’t remember any of the Hot Wheels of old ever looking …. this hideous
Batmoblie reject?
G’aahh!
PUT IT OUT OF ITS MISERY!!!!
LSD is a hell of a drug.
Trust me on this * 😉 This aint the result of LSD . Not even a bad trip could produce this . No … if .. errrr … substances were involved …. it’d have to be Crack … Meth .. or a serious overdose of Heroin [ or some other Opium based product ]
Alternatively ? The result of an extremely bad night of the DT’s ?
Any way you look at it though …. Eeeesh
* Suffice it to say I had a short but questionable past back in the day
there aren’t enough drugs to explain this.
That stuff can’t be that hard to undo…….
Seriously. How bad could it be?
New roof skin, new doors, sand off a ton of bondo and adhesive.
Might be a decent car under there. It’s survived in shame and misery this long, someone save the poor thing!
Okay. Someone loan me 5k! I want to finish it and show you silly bastards how cool that thing can be! There are a few things I would change on the body but I think it has potential. Let me at it!
A part of my soul just died…
In the shots from the front, you can see the poor Firebird peeking through the ridiculous amount of clown makeup plastered on it. It looks embarrassed and resigned to it’s fate.
Someone please either right this Frankensteinian affront to a once great car or put the poor thing out of it’s misery.
I’ve been thinking about this abomination [ thanks for nothing Lohnes 😉 ] as well as mooseface’s suggestion . And for the sake of my sanity [ and future breakfast/lunch/suppers ] I think I may of come up with and even better use .
Y’all ever watched ” Firefly ” and the companion movie ” Serenity ” ? If so … what I’m about to suggest will make perfect sense . If not .. please do some time … its one of the very few science fiction series worth watching … as well as being very relevant to what we’re dealing with today *
So here goes . Strap a couple of severely mangled dead bodies across the hood . A rocket launcher along with some sort of ‘ gun ‘ on the roof .. at the very least blow out the back glass/hatch and put in another weapon .. blow out all the side glass and most the windshield as well … splatter blood and some guts across the entire car … stuff some sort of power plant on the verge of going ‘ nuclear ‘ under the hood
And you’ve the the perfect car for the ‘ Reavers ‘ from the series/movie
* as a short cut … look up Reavers /Firefly on Wikipedia
Ha!
I actually wanted to Reaver-ize my old car for the purpose of terrifying Priuses puttering along in the inside lane.
Firefly was fantastic, and Serenity really capped it all off quite well. Just another testament to Fox’s incompetence.
I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you.
I was pretty stoked till I saw the mismatched Cragars on the back.
Did you know that there is apparently 50 feet of intestines tucked away inside you?
Well all mine are lying on the floor after a huge barfing session looking at this heap of shit!
Thank you!
Looks like the pointy end of a turd.
I want to know what Jeremy Clarkson thinks of this car. 😉
It needs a date with the car crusher.
What, no turbine?
So in Michael Crichton’s book Timeline, they are doing this time travel bit and talk about transcription errors where the body gets shifted like an old dot matrix printer might do, or a laser printer with a paper jam after you straighten out the paper.
I believe this guy’s brain suffered from what should have been a terminal transcription error.
I tried to fold it on two lines like an old Mad Magazine and it still looked like night of the living hell that I can not get out of my brain. I’ll get even with you guys for this. You wait.
Jesus! I just saw this right before going to bed, I’m holding Bangshift.com responsible for any accidents I may cause tomorrow due to the fact I will not get any sleep tonight from the nightmares!
I love how everyone thinks they have an M22, lol!
Someone call Mark Hamill and see if he is interested in shooting “Corvette Summer II”