I would have never, ever expected to have to remove a center console for the reason I faced Wednesday evening. The explanation starts on Monday. We own three cats: two gigantic, purring throw pillows and one featherweight sociopath. All three were due for their annual checkup and shots, and since I didn’t have much time for anything before flying out for the NMCA race, I made the call to have all three cats taken in at once for their checkup. That meant stuffing the two yowling Puffalumps into their carriers, getting the little one into her chihuahua’s harness and leash, and making the fifteen-mile drive into town. In short details, the two big cats get carsick and poo as some sort of protest against the drive, while the little one just curled up on the console lid and enjoyed the ride there and back.
Or so I thought.
I didn’t drive the car Tuesday, but on Wednesday morning, I was coming into town to run a couple of errands and to have lunch with the wife. I locked the house up and opened the door to a car that had been sitting outside in 95-plus degree heat, and was hit with a wall of funk that just about took the breath out of my lungs. The odor was distinct and undeniable: cat urine. But it wasn’t from the two big ones, because they were in walled-in carriers and had absorbent pads underneath them. That, and they were in the backseat. I spent the better part of the day looking for the source of the odor, but only found it just before dinner, as I was fishing my cigarette lighter-to-USB charger out of the console: there was a puddle of cat whizz just sitting in there. I don’t know how it got inside of the console, there’s nothing on the outside of it and nothing in the carpet. I checked. I honestly have no idea at this point, but there is no question that it was there.
Now, I’ve heard stories over the years of the strangest things ever found while working on a car. We’ve all seen the meme of an iPhone jammed into the cassette deck of a late 1980’s Ford. I’ve personally seen Cheerios that managed to stick the shifter of a Cavalier up, a couple dollar’s worth of change out of the SuperBeater Mirada’s original stereo that caused the system to short out and not work, and best of all, what I’m 95% sure was human contamination in the power steering pump of the most horrifying project I’ve ever thrown myself into (you can read about the PedoVan Aerostar HERE). But I never, ever expected to be cleaning cat piss out of the console of a Chrysler. Right now the console itself is drying off after being washed down with a bleach mixture, and the inset tray is in a gallon Ziplock bag with a box of baking soda…if it still smells like the litterbox when I get home from Route 66 Raceway, I’m buying a new one, it’s not worth the effort.
That being said, there has to be better stories than that, so I’m reaching out to you, readers: what’s the strangest reason you’ve had to break out the tools and get to wrenching?
I got a shop cat (Lily) that gets under the hood when I’m working and loves to go for rides, She’s never peed on a Chevy, though…..
I caused a self inflicted one Tuesday. I was headed out of town to drag home some junk I didn’t need and put 28.5 Gal of diesel in my Blazer, not only have I never put that much fuel in it before but it was the wrong kind. Well I didn’t need the junk I was after anyway. Never go full retard.
“Best case scenario: You get the smartest cat in the world, it still craps in your house.”- Red Foreman.
You don’t own cats, cats own you.
I cannot really think of anything note worthy. There was a time or two I had to pull a seat to clean up child vomit from the back seat. I’ve had to do it for dog vomit too. I think the worst was when I forgot a gallon of milk in the back floor board of my 78 T Bird….I left it there…in the Arizona sun for days…days! Do you have any idea what happens to a gallon of milk that has been left in a car in the Arizona sun for days? The horror! Chunks of milk as far as the eye could see. The smell? Oh good lord the smell. I can still smell it and that was 23 years ago! I took it to the car wash, cleaned what I could and then power washed the back seat and carpet while it was in the car. I used the car washes “wet/dry vac to get out as much of the water as possible. It worked but marginally.
I had a cat climb into the driver’s side air vent on my 67 F250. I had to just about take the whole side of the truck apart to get it out.
I had a 1969 Camaro, back half car, put up for the winter, I had 4″ Flowmaster mufflers. They were off the car. The track opened, I put the mufflers on, checked the car, warmed it up. I smelled something kinda odd, didn’t think much about it. Got to the track, made a pass and left a trail of dogfood the whole length of the track. Got flagged down, was told to go home. Turned out, we kept our dog in the garage at times when we were not home, I guess the mice got in and started stashing dog food in my mufflers, which were laying on the floor.
I’ve owned a few ex-police cars over the years and the back seat on some of them were nasty! I’m afraid to know what was in those seats!
I got nothing on that…had to clean (?) up the backseat carpet in the morning after a bottle of Ripple spill early 70’s…. same car was waken up and told
to clean the barf chunks on the side before mom went to church one Sunday….
It was a 64 Galaxie that took my sister and I through high school and should have been bronzed …. I only had it air born once….
Forgot a watermelon was in the back of my car for two days. Kept hearing something roll around in the back and thought something was wrong with the car, kept taking sharp turns to try and determine what side of the car I needed to jack up. Wrong move, the watermelon split and spilled it’s guts all over the trunk. Combined with 90 degree heat the next day the smell was horrible. Took all the carpet out and washed them at the car wash. Soaked the trunk with bleach and baking soda. Left the carpet out for 3 days and still smelled. So went to the junk yard and scored replacement carpet for cheap. My wife and I still smell it on hot days if the windows are left up.
If I can appoint myself as the Bangshift Official Veterinarian (only long enough to write this):
You need an enzyme-based cleaner made for urine. These are commonly found in Home Improvement and big box stores as well as pet stores. There are lots of different brands.
We now return to our regularly scheduled broadcast.
I had a customer with a Jeep Grand Cherokee come in one time for something (I forget what it was), and she said while your working on the car, to keep an eye out for her Grandmothers diamond engagement ring that she lost in the car 2 years ago while taking it to a jeweler for repairs. So as I was looking between the seats, not seeing anything, I noticed the e-brake handle came out through a slot in the center console, it had like this hairy material to keep debri from falling down through the console. So I said what the heck, I pulled the console up and low and behold the ring was sitting on top a metal bracket that was there.
So needless to say it not only made her day but mine too.
I worked for a transmission shop and we had a 4 speed stake truck come in smelling of fresh skunk. I was assigned the clutch job on this beauty and I found out where the skunk odor came from. The trucks owner had run over the creature and a fair part of its carcass was hanging from the bellhousing. The lack of a front cover on the bell had allowed the flywheel the opportunity to evenly distribute the skunk puree in the bell. I am sure it was the worst vehicle I ever had to work on..
I also work in a transmission shop, had a customer bring in his car (Grand Prix) for a shift cable had to tear the console apart to get to it found his bag of weed and hitter stashed in there, I wrote him a note and stuck it in the bag “smells good” In the old days I would have had a sample!
Had bad rod bearings in my dd two years ago and parked it at my dads for a few weeks until i had time for a tear down. Mice. Every square inch of the interior, heater box, behind dash, radio had a nest on top, all coated in mouse pee. Spent about 5 days removing entire interior and cleaning wirh soap, bleach, and enzyme cleaner to get the funk out. Guess what, turbo seals are bad, car parked in same spot, already mouse poop in carpet.