I love the creativity of Craigslist posters. It takes a sincere amount of talent and effort to sell a vehicle that would normally offend 90% of the average population searching for their next winter beater. Forget the sleazy car dealer of yore, if you want someone to bolster your ego and open your wallet, these guys are the way to go! In the case of this ugly-but-brutal 1978 Chevrolet Suburban dually on HMMWV rolling stock, the seller went straight for the macho spiel. I’ll give you a taste of the awesomeness of the ad:
Stop. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath, and feast your eyes on the most wicked pieces of American Badass you have ever seen in your life. I will tell you right now that if you are a Starbucks drinking environmentalist, if your other car is a Prius, or a solar powered liberal mobile, if you think we are all safer if nobody owned a handgun, or if you have used the adjective adorable at all today, then you need to close this window and look for another vehicle. (And grow a pair) If you are a beer drinking, red blooded American, that has a beard, Chews tobacco, dreams of wrestling an Alaskan grizzly bear, and wants the most bad ass truck on the road, then keep reading. This truck is like the deadliest catch. . . without the crabs.
Now that I have your attention, you need to ask yourself one question. Are you ready for a truck with this much testosterone? Well, are you? Just to let you know, the sheer presence of this Suburban is enough to make Chuck Norris pee his pants. Take a look at these pictures. Yes, it is staring back at you. Now go change your underwear and continue reading. What my friend is more reliable than an American 454 big block nuclear power plant, with a carburetor the size of Rosanne Arnold’s big ass? Nothing can be more reliable, because it is backed by the great turbo 400. What is cooler that having a transmission with the designation of turbo in front of it?!?! Fuel mileage you ask? If you are concerned about fuel mileage, check your phone, because your boyfriend is on the other end of the line. Air conditioning?!?! Yeah, front and rear but who needs it? Roll all four windows down, breath some fresh air, and let the wind blow through your beard.
That isn’t enough for you? After seeing the brilliance of the truck and reading that prose, you don’t have the urge to catch a salmon with your teeth in an Alaskan stream? Then click the link below to see more reasons why this overkill Chevy should be your next purchase.
Craigslist Link: 1978 Chevrolet Suburban Dually
(Thanks to Nick S. for the tip!)
“Ad has been flagged for removal”. I guess someone got offended?
The ad most likely offended ColoradoKid.
As a naturalist and environmentalist, I have to offer one slight correction: We largely don’t drink Starbuck’s, that’s generally seen as a corporate-sponsored waste of resources and single-use paper products.
As for the truck, it’s okay. The 454 is promising, but with a stock TH400 behind it, it can’t be making that much power.
454 is usually a stroker motor, meaning low end torque, like my 79 coupe deville, 180hp but 320 ft-lbs of torque at around 2000rpm
Instead of that mush testosterone, I think he meant that much tetanus.
My old Flxibile bus would mash that beat-up pile of tin flat. And your little testosterone filled balls And your gun…
Your welcome for the tip