FatCad Installment 1

FatCad Installment 2

FatCad Installment 3 

In order to make this as fair a test as possible, every time I weigh the car I’m going to fill up the gas tank at the same station about a mile from the scales. I plan to do this every month or so, and see if the total weight of all the pieces I remove weekly reconcile with the weight of the car. My wife tells me that diets operate using different principles of physics than those commonly found in the universe, and I believe her.

Maybe you’ve done this before, maybe not, and if not, try it so you can prove it to yourself. Step on the bathroom scale at home and look at your weight, let’s call it X. Then, grab a sloppy 1/2 lb. burger and a pack of fries, clutch them closely to your belly and step on the scale again and now you weigh X 1.25 Lbs. Fair enough. The burger is a 1/2 pound of meat plus the bun, condiments and the fries. Immediately eat the burger and fries, transferring their mass a scant couple of inches from where you were holding them and step on the scale again. You now weigh X 3 Lbs! And this does not include the wrappers which you’ve thrown away! Amazing, but true!

Similarly, you cannot convert calories to pounds. Here’s an example. Said burger and fries totaled 1,250 calories and weighed 1.25 lbs. which works out to 1,000 calories = 1.0 lb. Now get on your stationary bicycle with the fancy digital display board that looks like the control panel of the Star Trek Enterprise. Pedal your ass off for an hour until the display indicates that you’ve burned off 1,000 calories. Now go weigh yourself. Did you lose a pound? Ha, that’s a joke, I usually gain a few ounces . My wife says it’s muscle mass. Does this same phenomenon apply to cars? We’ll find out in a few weeks.

But weight, there’s more. On the scales, with a full tank of gas, the car weighed 4,360lbs, about what I expected. Immediately after the weigh in, I took the car home and started striping stuff out of it and my kids asked me if I took a picture of the car on the scales. Uh, no – why? Well, my middle son explained, this is the digital age, video, pictures, smart phones, computers – people want to see pictures. He’s right. So, back on went the first 30lbs (yes, 30lbs. !!!) of stuff I removed in minutes, and off I went, back to the scales. I remembered to stop by and fill up gas, drove to the scales and this time the weight read 4,335lbs. Wait a minute, that’s 25 Lbs. LESS than I just weighed it a couple of hours ago. Hmmm.

Long story short, the scales were backward of what they were when we first weighed the car. Once reversed, the car again weighed 4,360 Lbs.

I went home to see if the phenomenon worked for me on the bathroom scale – and it does! That’s right, you want to weigh less? Weigh yourself backwards. Absolutely amazing!

Science will tell us that the car scales were not, in fact, on a perfectly level surface, which they weren’t, and I’ll be weighing the car in the exact same spot with the scales in the same spots, so that we maintain a level playing field, so to speak……. but the weigh in at home – that’s a mystery for the ages.

OK, so the first 40 Lbs. came off relatively easy as follows:

First 10: The floor mats and the plastic engine cover pieces.

Second 10: The “spare tire” substitute air compressor and the 4 really cool adjustable sliding tie downs for the rear cargo area.

Third 10: The spare tire area cover (even though there’s no spare, there’s a Bose subwoofer and the compressor), the netting and brackets that goes across the back storage area in case you have a dog, the front license plate bracket and the rear license plate frame.

Fourth 10: The retractable cover for the rear wagon area and the owners manual.
OK, that last two items were actually 9 Lbs. but then I removed the underside of the hood sound deadener panel and the little plastic clips that held it in – total for that was 1 Lb.

So there’s our first 40 Lbs.

The car is now at 4,320…… and dropping.