It’s July already?! Yes sir, it is…if the wilting thermometer didn’t give you that hint, your neighbor….you know, the kid who just spent his entire paycheck at a sketchy fireworks stand…will remind you soon with bottle rockets the size of small AIM-1 missiles. Bet you didn’t think you could get mortar shells that potent in your state, did you? As we stock up for the barbecues and our own fireworks, we offer up a little something extra in the form of Scrapple: it’s reconstituted, lightly roasted, and might cause you to make a loud noise of your own if you consume enough of it. Enjoy!

1. That’s the sound of a wallet screaming in German.

What’s $7,000 times nearly 500,000? Ballpark it a bit, and that’s the amount of cash that Volkswagen is going to wind up paying to owners of those horrible, smog-cheating TDI vehicles…at least, of the four-cylinder variety. That’s on top of the fine they will receive for their smog contribution. And just when there couldn’t be any more salt in the wound, it appears that German Chancellor Angela Merkel is doubling down on Climate Protection Plan 2050, which would call for German manufacturers to make massive strides in the electric vehicle market by 2030. That doesn’t sound like a knee-jerk reaction, does it?

2. It’s MY car, and I’ll listen to whatever the F*** I want!

In what has been annoying the Internet recently news, it’s been discovered that Subarus have a feature with their SiriusXM radios: if you were listening to a station that allows adult content, like a risque comedy channel or one of the uncensored music stations, you will find that when you start your car the next time, your radio will have switched automatically to the preview channel…and there isn’t anything you can do about it, except hit a preset button and get right back to hearing Limp Bizkit’s “Break Stuff” the way it was meant to be heard.

3. Use of the Drift button will cost an extra 39 cents per mile.

If you live in the Hardanger district of Norway, you now have an express taxi service. Evald Jastad has pressed a Ford Focus into taxi service, so if you’re running late and a blue hatchback shows up, you can calm down…you’ll get there on time, no questions asked.

4. Um…actually, I never need to open the trunk again. EVER. 

How bad do you have to piss somebody off that their idea of paying you back involves a trunk full of very agitated bees? Someone in Fitchburg, Massachusetts found out recently, when the found what appears to be an entire hive worth of honeybees placed inside the trunk of their Chevrolet Impala. Luckily, the bees were able to be removed by professionals, and the only injury sustained was a sting on the nose by one unlucky woman.

5. Apparently, someone photographed a unicorn. 

Well, the mythical creature has been spotted and photographed from one hell of a distance, but it has been captured. Autoblog recently captured a test mule for the long-rumored mid-engined Corvette that has been dubbed “Zora”, “ZR-1” and/or “Nessie”. Unlike the last time people got worked up over a mid-engined mule, this one is wearing Corvette panels instead of Holden Ute pieces and was seen rolling around with a couple of Stingrays. There are more rumors than facts right now, but if this really does come to light, either as a special edition or as the new C8, expect it to have a laser-guided sight set directly on the Ford GT.