Has summer already gotten away from us? The temperatures are still nice and pleasant, but I could swear that I smelled burning leaves on the wind and…oh, no. No, no, no. There’s a leaf on the ground. There’s a coolness to the breeze. And I’m pretty sure that I just got a whiff of pumpkin spice something-or-other. No. It’s too soon for this! Summer shall continue! The car season isn’t dead yet! Rush out while you can and enjoy the sunshine and good temperatures! Hit up car shows, swap meets, and races! We will do the same…though, before we haul tail out of the door to go do our thing, we will be sure to leave a bit of Scrapple behind for you to enjoy:
1. AWD donuts for everybody!
350 horsepower in a car the size of a Ford Focus ought to be more than enough to get into serious trouble with…you’d think. But America’s bastion for batshit-crazy tuning, Hennessey, has put out their idea of where the Ford Focus RS should be: The HPE400 is mostly computer tuning and exhaust, but 402 horsepower and 425 ft/lbs of torque is the claim. Almost sounds tame. Call us when you’ve built a 550-horse version that does donuts like a spinning top.
2. Volkswagen: Nope, not doing diesels here again.
Per Hinrich J. Woebcken, President and CEO of Volkswagen Group of North America: “I wish to make clear that the push for diesel for the brand is done.” You don’t say? The company will still use diesels where they are appropriate, but The Dirty Inliner badges will be far and few between, compared to the years prior to the Great Mistake that Volkswagen made.
3. Could be worse: Could be Mitsubishi
Speaking of great mistakes: how bad to you have to screw up in Japan selling cars like the eK pictured above to get the Japanese Transport Ministry to raid your headquarters and a factory? Ask Mitsubishi. After coming clean that possibly every vehicle sold in Japan since 1991 probably didn’t meet mileage figures that were published, that odd, ominous swirling noise that sounded like a toilet being flushed went from a whisper to a roar. How Nissan can keep the brand floating is beyond us.
4. Nope, you’re STILL going to school!
(Photo: Tacoma News Tribune) And that is what a roasted Twinkie looks like. The school bus barn in Puyallup, Washington caught fire and took twenty brand-new school busses out and damaged more in the inferno on August 24th. While investigators work to find a solution to the cause of the fire, surrounding districts within the Western Washington area have loaned spare busses to the Puyallup district so that on the first day of school (September 6th), there won’t be any shortcomings. Sorry, Junior, but one way or another you’re going to class.
5. Nevermind drugs…were you doing five over on the way home, mister?
Read the wording from CarScoops carefully: “According to a survey commissioned by Chevrolet, more parents with teens worry about their child driving than they do about academic performance, drugs and alcohol use or any other issues that generally tends to stress them out.” Hmm…the survey was conducted by Harris Poll, but the timing is aligned perfectly with the new four-door tattletale that is the 2017 Chevrolet Malibu. What happened, Chevrolet? The Malibu used to be the car the teenager hoped and prayed that Mom and Dad would loan him, before becoming a decent mid-size car…then a crappy mid-size car…then a bar of Ivory soap with headlights. The new Malibu is offering up “Teen Driver Technology” that basically puts a bullet into the head of any reason why a teenager would ever want to drive a car in the first place. I’m just glad this didn’t exist growing up…if my dad had ever seen the “report card” from the one time I borrowed his 1977 Pontiac Grand Prix 400, I wouldn’t be typing right now…
re Malibu: it is because we know what we did as teens that we worry now . Too bad our kids will never have the fun we had,or are we being played like we played our parents? Only time will tell,I hope so.