Nothing says “summer” quite like hot temperatures, a cold beverage, and some greasy-fried delectables that nobody can quite identify, but go ahead and eat anyways. Chicken? Steak? Nah, that stuff is too expensive. We use 100% all-natural basic news clips and tasteless chunks of press reports, mix in a ton of seasoning salt to hide the flavor, rehash it all over an open fire and smother the result in BBQ sauce. Straight from our grille to your plate, fresh Scrapple Patties! Dig in!

1. Parental Advisory: Explict Content – Shameless Promotion

I knew who N.W.A. was when I was a little kid. I stole the “Straight Outta Compton” cassette from the tape deck of a family member’s Oldsmobile and proceeded to hear a lot of words that up until that moment, I had only heard fly out of my dad’s mouth after he dropped an F-150’s transmission onto his chest. The movie Straight Outta Compton is in the middle of the hype advertising time frame, and what better way to bring audiences to theaters than via a liveried NASCAR?

Tomy Drissi, who has a day job as an ad exec in Hollywood but occasionally throws himself into a kit car that is supposed to be a Toyota Camry, decided that this was a good idea. Call me skeptical, but this doesn’t look like the most brilliant idea ever. Or maybe I’m wrong…I do remember tons of kids my age in 1992-era Illinois singing “Baby Got Back”, and we weren’t supposed to hear that gem, either.

2. …because this is the only time you will ever see it happen, 

Here is the upcoming Bentley Bentayga actually off-roading. Next time will happen when the old-money blue-blood accidentally jumps the curb at a mall. Or if TaxTheRich get ahold of one.

3. Tesla Hacked! Everybody Panic!

With all of the sudden panic over vehicle hacking, it should come as no surprise that Tesla would sooner than later make the news. They get vehicle updates sent to the car, of course someone would try to crack into a Model S so they could change the touchscreen’s background to a picture of a guy mooning you. To be fair, the hackers had to actually plug in a laptop into the car to successfully hack it, whereas the FCA hack could be done wirelessly. Tesla has already sent out the software update to vehicles. Now, go calm down and wait for the next recall.

4. …well, that was fast. 

FCA has been getting their asses handed to them via recalls, and you can add this one to the list: last-generation (2011-14) Chargers have the same hypersensitive side airbag inflator issue that the Ram trucks have. Don’t slam that door, don’t kick that door, and please, don’t try to go through the window like you’re Bo Duke. Even high-school you would have a problem doing that. Just take the car to the dealership and be prepared to teach the service manager about the recall.

5. The upcoming Lincoln Continental’s seats let you have it your way…all thirty ways…

Lincoln’s upcoming Continental has been both a surprising move forward for the nearly-dead brand, and a huge source of controversy after Bentley designer Luc Donckerwolke trashed the car as a ripoff of the Bentley Flying Spur. Either way, any move for Lincoln is a good move at this point, and with test mules already being spotted out and about Lincoln has started to hype up the car. First on the list: the seats. You could put armrests on them and sell them as household chair for thousands of dollars. If Cadillac is going for the “hauling ass with class” banner, Lincoln seems to be aiming for the old-school relax and ride easy feel from the 1960s and 1970s cars. Remember, this is all before the heating/cooling/massaging options. Check out the video: