We use a lot of automotive chemicals every day, and we refer to ’em all as sauce. Carb sauce, gear sauce, gasket sauce–whatever. By the time you’ve been through a few decades with this stuff, you know what works and what doesn’t, though the state of California has been mixing up the rules and castrating a lot of our favorites over the past few years. Nevertheless, we thought we’d bring you today’s faves.
The Top 11 Greatest Automotive Sauces
11) Any ATF, the cheaper the better, because anything will do a burnout with enough ATF on the tarmac
10) Rain X, because wipers are overrated, or at least rarely functional
9) Justice Bros. White Lithium Grease, since nothing compares for assembling AN hose ends
8.) Restore engine rebuild in a bottle, the physical representation of your last freaking automotive hope
7) Lucas trans rebuild in a bottle, when broke describes more than just your transmission
6) Whatever that rat-turd-looking radiator stop-leak stuff is. It’s a clotting agent for your car!
5) B-12 Chem Tool Carb and Choke Cleaner (For you EFI guys, a choke is what
makes a carb work in the morning when it’s cold.)
4) Any real (read: non-California) brake parts cleaner, because anything that turns oil into
water you can clean up with a paper towel instantly kicks some ass
3) 20-year-old Chem-Dip parts cleaner, the kind that comes in a bucket with a basket and that gets hot when it cleans stuff and that attaches stink to you like it was welded on. You can’t buy the stuff any more. You have to still have it from years back.
2) VHT Track Bite. Anything that smells that great, leads to wheelstands, and makes you go fast has got to be a gift from God.
1) PB B’laster Penetrating Catalyst, with more text on the can than any product of its size. But remember: it’s not that kind of penetrating catalyst.
I thought for sure this was going to be a “Chad” Blog, LOL!
Replace PB Blaster with Deep Creep.
That stuff is miracle in a can for getting rusty fasteners out.
Horsehockey! Here’s the real list:
11. DOT brake fluid — not only helps you stop, but also removes unnecesary paint from your enemy’s car (not that a Bangshifter would ever have any enemies).
10. Casite Motor Honey — Who knows what it does, but it sure sounds “sweet”
9. Loctite — Just put’er together once and for all.
8. Permatex Form-a-Gasket — Who needs to blow coin on an expensive overhaul gasket set?
7. STP Oil Treatment — The King’s 200 wins couldn’t be wrong (The King wouldn’t lie to us, would he?) Besides, Andy Granatelli used to pass out thousands of free STP stickers to the kids)
6. Gunk Transmedic — “Compounded to reduce friction . . . replenish depleted ATF additives. . . .Smoothes rough shifting . . . .” Gives your dying tranny that clean, fresh “spring” feeling, too . . . .
5. Nitromethane — It’s “Dyn-o-mite!”
4. Ethylene glycol antifreeze — Animal control in a can . . . and it’s always good for a restive break in the action at the strip . . . .
3. Gasoline — Because nobody’s ever written a good metal song about Chem-Dip . . . .
2. J.B. Weld — Duct tape in a convenient liquid form.
1. WD-40 — the Bangshifter’s cologne (works well on painful joints, too)
Honorable mention: ArmorAll — Survey says . . . shiny tires are worth a tenth at the strip and ten points in every car show. And chicks really dig the “wet look.”
Seafoam…good stuff.
Alumaseal – saved my Dodge Dart Sport radiator in the 80’s, good stuff.
Starting Fluid (any brand), cause you never know when you gotta fire up a BBQ pit.
What?! Nobody mentioned Kroil?!
90W Gear Lube
Like cologne for car guys.
get some on you and you’ll be smelling that stuff for weeks….
Chem Dip~
Was the older stuff better than the current? Because it can still be purchased around here
Chem Dip… Argh. The bottom of my 20 year old can rusted away and now the smell is welded to my garage shelving and floor…not fun to clean up.
Marvel Mystery Oil… good for freeing up stuck valves on barn finds…
Let’s see.
Brake Fluid, for giving your hands the delightful feeling like you’ve been handling roadkill for HOURS afterwards.
PB Blaster, for doing a BANGUP job loosening those stuck fasteners, and also making the ratchet too fucking slippery to hold.
Starting Fluid, Ether, THRUST: Good for almost everything from starting balky engines to seating tires and, really, two eyebrows are TOTALLY overrated.
Never Seize. Too much is never enough. You rarely get the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of your labor, easily taking something back apart you wound together tighter than hell three years ago. But it will NOT come out of anything it touches. And it spreads like the plague. A dab on a wrench here, a smear on a fender there, next thing you know it’s in both ears and up your nose and there are dead hookers and you don’t know WHAT the fuck happened…
And liquid JB weld. Cracked block? Not for long, sucker, that thing HAS to get HOME.
+1. Anti-Seize = Liquid Satan In A Can. Once you open it up it goes everywhere.
Not to mention some asshole can’t figure out why it’s a dumb idea to put a 3″ brush in a can that’s four inches deep.
Gumout carb cleaner, X26 on JB Weld, Ford Friction Modifier
And I’ve recently developed an all-encompassing love of ATF. Besides keeping your slushbox happy, it’s a fantastic lubricant, makes great drilling and tapping fluid, and has excellent rust-inhibiting properties. We’ve also discovered that interesting things happen when you mix it sparingly in gasoline for small engines. Almost as good as fogger. It’s also a prime ingredient in bar-none the best gun cleaning solution I’ve ever made. Of course, the other ingredients will kill you as sure as a bullet from said gun, but boy the stuff works great.
ATF is also great for freeing sticky lifters in your junkyard motor.
Kevin
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