About two weeks ago, when I asked what the “next useless option” would be for the new car market, I meant that as a bit of a riff on the current state of affairs for new vehicles. Watch new car commercials…outside of Dodge/Ram and anything truck related, nobody gives a rat’s ass about the engine anymore. It’s about how it drives for you (Ford), how it thinks for you (Nissan) and how it’ll elevate your social media status (Cadillac). Frankly, it makes me sick for the future. But it was more of a rhetorical question that I hoped would become some comic relief for the day. I didn’t expect, two weeks later, to be handed proof that I was on the right track, whether or not I wanted to be.
Yes, you are looking at a hot wing party being served out of the “frunk” of a Ford Mach-E.
I swear to you, I pulled this directly out of Ford’s press release:
“Here are four ways football fans can elevate their tailgates for next season with the all-electric Mustang Mach-E’s front trunk, or frunk, a 4.8-cubic-foot plastic space – the equivalent to a 36-gallon cooler – that sits underneath the hood. (In a gas-powered vehicle, where the engine is typically located.)
- The trunk in the front is about the size of a large cooler, so fans can forget about lugging a heavy cooler to a tailgate. Just fill the front trunk with ice and beverages and cruise right up to your tailgate. When you’re done, open the drain cap at the bottom of the front trunk and let gravity do the rest.
- Sign up to bring a gameday spread best served chilled? Top off the frunk with some shaved ice to keep veggies, dips and even shrimp cold and ready to eat.
- Feed an entire team by loading the front trunk with hot wings: you can hold more than 1,000 regular sized wings with the extra storage space. And don’t worry about the sauce – you can open the drain cap and hose down the front trunk when you get home.
- Play a game of long-distance cornhole or show off your passing skills by challenging friends to a “closest to the front trunk” contest.”
Alright…at what point does this need to be called out? How about right freaking now. I’m still dealing with the bitter taste of Ford calling this thing “Mustang” at all, but pushing my bias against that aside, someone please explain to me why in the hell some poor intern had to hit up a Buffalo Wild Wings for a thousand wings to demonstrate the Mach-E’s capability of hot chicken? Who in their right mind will eat a shrimp that was laying under the hood of a car, electric or otherwise?!
This press release was enough to wick up my ire, for sure, but it’s a growing trend that in my eyes, has echoes of about 1973-1974. It’s not about what the car is meant to do, it’s about what the car can do for you. It’s just that now, instead of looking richer and more sophisticated than you really were while learning to deal with a quarter of the horsepower, it’s about looking hip, young and better than anyone older than you while learning to live with the fact that if you don’t find a charging station within the next twenty minutes you’ll be using your AAA tow to haul your overrated, battery-powered station wagon home.
If you can put a positive spin on this, go ahead. I’ll be over here writing “NOT A MUSTANG” on a chalkboard, Bart Simpson-style, while continue to not give a shit about football, tailgating, or shrimp cocktail.
How about this?
I am going to start an Electric Roadside Rescue business. We will have a custom made truck with a large diesel generator on back to come out (for a fee) to wherever the local hipster has rolled to a stop and sell them an hour’s worth of “juice” to make it to the next charging station.
As many people run out of gas – you know that they are gonna run out of electricity and you can’t “fix that” with a red plastic can and a 10 minute walk.
Patent applied for. This serves as public notification of a future product. All rights reserved. Not suitable for children. Read label instructions before consuming. Not available in all states.
Out of juice along the highway? Don’t worry. Call QWIK-CHARGE when you need a jump in a hurry. 1-800-YOU-FOOL
you need a truck with a over abundance of batteries and a giant array of solar panels covering the whole thing (maybe small bus).
CHP and LAPD are already in line for your services.
Add a heater to that compartment to keep your food hot , powered by the huge eco battery . Golden Coral windshield banner optional
Sad to see what the U.S.A is becoming.
If you’ve ever ridden in a Dodge Caliber, you’ll find yourself wondering if the entire interior was intended to serve as a giant portable ice chest.
I’m not entirely against the idea of putting a cargo area into a car that can serve as an ice chest. But it would need to be more than watertight with a drain – it would need to be sealed (can the exhaust from that coal rolling bro-dozer you got stuck behind leak in?), insulated (how about heat from the inverter?), and zero chance of any automotive fluids getting into it. Looks like windshield washer fluid could splash into your cooler – methanol sauce on your shrimp, anyone? How about brake fluid?
Thats not a new idea really. In high school a friend had a Corvair and we used to fill the “frunk” with ice and put beer in there. It was a great way to go to a picnic, tailgate party or the races!
This is just stupid ass shit here, still pissed that there stupid enough to use the mustang name for a POS suv. What the hell is wrong with these dumdasses?
Other than a couple of rays of hope (Mustang, Challenger, and Camaro) the American car market is in the toilet!!!!! I was disgusted enough when I heard they were going to use the Mustang name for an electric car but now I see they made it egg shaped like a little SUV?!!!! BLEEECCHHH!!!!
I guess this will be your own private food truck..
Instead of a roach coach, you have a roach roach.
CHP and LAPD are already in line for your services.
The Mustang III. Got nothing against electrics, but messing with the Mustang moniker again? Ford stuck its proverbial prick in the meat-grinder again.