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Mental Micro Machine: 550 Horsepower Mini Cooper, Because It’s A Great Idea


Mental Micro Machine: 550 Horsepower Mini Cooper, Because It’s A Great Idea

One car that I have yet to experience is a legitimate Mini. Not the BMW versions that are at least twice the size, but a real-deal Mini. The one that everybody adores. The one from The Italian Job. That one. I missed my chance the last time I caught up with my Army friend Dick, who was driving one while he was starting the restoration of his Charger. I didn’t believe for half a second that I would fit into the car…I felt claustrophobic in a 2005 Mustang and had great memories of straining a muscle in my crotch while trying to extract myself from a Lotus Elise after managing to cram my oversized frame into the car. I’ve been told that they are far roomier than you would believe, but between a six-foot-three height and a size 15EE shoe, I still have my doubts. But hey, if you live near Kentucky and want to prove me wrong, feel free to reach out and we’ll shoot video proof that Sasquatch can fit into your car.

In the meantime, I want to showcase a car I recently learned about. This Mini Cooper has a kill list that includes a McLaren 675LT in a quarter-mile. It’s absolutely batshit mental. It’s rear-engined, rear drive, it rocks somewhere around 480 horsepower on pump gas and well over 550 when it’s on serious fuels, and it’ll trap over 140 miles per hour in the quarter. What engine is shoving Mighty Mouse here around? One you’d find in an Acura…it’s a Rotrex-blown 3.5L V6. It sounds about as good as a V6 can sound, and in a car that weighs about as much as the burger I had for lunch earlier today, isn’t just fast, it’s “wear the brown trousers” fast.


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