It’s amazing what kind of stories come flying out, late at night, with a car torn apart, hot pizza on the counter, and the smell of petroleum products hanging in the air. As the boxes of parts went from holding new items to holding core returns, I got to hear a beauty: Picture a garage, like a Midas or a Firestone. A place where brake jobs, oil changes, and powertrain repairs all take place. The guy I’m helping out (read: I bought the pizza) is the leader of the garage minions. Normally, he’s the friendly face behind the counter informing you that you can’t drive a Mercedes E-class without oil and that’s why you are now looking at a repair bill that’s about as much as the car’s worth. But every now and then, during business hours, he has to go out and deal with the workers, one of which has earned his ire.

I know several nicknames for the type: Gold Star Awardees, Special Cupcakes, and the like, but my favorite term was given to me by the unnamed face behind Mechanic Memes: Participation Ribbon Kids. Quoting him: “They are all winners and never do anything wrong.” Normally, this would be the young gun who comes in, gets their feelings hurt, and quits, but not this time. This is slightly different…and if you were in the military, it’s going to sound very familiar to you. These are the workers who went to places like WyoTech, Lincoln Tech, and Universal Technical Institute, graduated, were told that they were good wrenches, and went and got a job at a garage…and proceeded to try to rule the day with book learning instead of real-world experience. That military connection: a Second Lieutenant/Ensign, fresh from college, pinned as an officer with about five minutes’ worth of actual experience. They were told in school that they outranked that angry, crusty old First Sergeant, but the first time they tried to flex power, the real world slapped them in the face.

Now, let’s not be too hasty to judge a whole group based on the actions of one. Anybody new is going to have a learning curve, school or otherwise, and if they are at least giving some kind of actual effort and the issue was minor, then no harm equals no foul. That’s in the learning stages…and if you think that a school is going to teach them enough to fly solo without help from peers and supervisors, you yourself are dreaming. Learning is a lifetime commitment, there is always something new to find out, and that should be encouraged.

Now, back to our special little snowflake. The guy is straight out of WyoTech and has been working at the shop for a few months…and according to him, everything that is older than ten years old or are certain, particular models are death traps that need to be removed from the road for the greater good of society. Except for the rot-box early 1990s Japanese executive sedan that he worships to the core, which is God’s gift to the automotive world. Little Timmy has written up fault lists that read like War and Peace, has condemned cars because of a worn strut but has forgotten to tighten up brake bleeder screws, only figuring out the issue when the trail of brake fluid is seen as he’s backing out of the stall, and tends to get defensive and rather fight-y when his school training is brought up. If I was his boss, I’d fire him in half a second over the bleeder screw deal and demand a hand-written apology letter from WyoTech.

If you have one of these wonders working for you, we have a gold star you can give them, right along with their corrective training or their pink slip: