I’ve said it before on these pages and I’ll say it again: the front-wheel-drive Oldsmobile Omega just might be the most pointless vehicle ever produced. Born as one of the RWD X-car four (along with Chevy Nova, Buick Apollo/Skylark, and Pontiac Ventura), in 1980 the name jumped to the problematic underpinnings of the Chevrolet Citation. It was pretty much a stuffy, frumpy and decidedly un-sporty Citation. Sounds like a lot of fun, right? Well, most of these little bastard children of General Motors have been long gone, but every once in a while we find one or two clinging to life on Craigslist or eBay, and today we found what might have been the most pampered one we’ve ever found.
The story goes that a little old lady wanted to have a car around. Not to drive, mind you…she abhorred driving. But she did want a car around in case there was an urgent need to drive, so in 1982 her family brought home this blue Omega. For the next 33 years of it’s life, the Omega performed one trip a year to get inspected, and around the block on rare occasion to make sure that everything was all right.
Now the vehicle is up for sale. The seller admits that the paint has some issues and that the plastic bumper fillers are rotting out. He also admits that the headliner is starting to separate, but that’s it. Mileage: 158. That’s it. Not 100,158. One-five-eight. The only things that have been changed since the car rolled off of the lot is the fuel in the tank and the battery. This Oldsmobile still has the oil it left the factory with! I’m trying to wrap my head around how, in all of those years, that was allowed to happen.
I wouldn’t even know where to start with this thing. Donate it to a museum? Store it another thirty-odd years and wait for Barrett-Jackson to knock down my door? Drive it? (BWA-hahahaha….what? Did you think I was serious?)
eBay Link: 1982 Oldsmobile Omega
Damn.
Find one in burgundy paint with a whorehouse red velour interior and you’d pretty much end up with my first car.
Oldsmobile really took the Malaise Era hard. With performance out the door, the last leg the brand had to stand on was interesting tech, which was effectively hobbled by corporate hardware and standards. The end result was Buicks that weren’t Buicks. It’s a shame too, Olds is still one of my favorite domestic brands.
The car meets two of the three requirements to be determined as obscene…
“… modified in Memoirs v. Massachusetts (1966), in which obscenity was defined as anything patently offensive, appealing to prurient interest, and of no redeeming social value…
…changed in 1973 with Miller v. California. The Miller case established what came to be known as the Miller test, which clearly articulated that three criteria must be met for a work to be legitimately subject to state regulations. :
1.The average person, applying local community standards, looking at the work in its entirety, must find that it appeals to the prurient interest.
2.The work must describe or depict, in an obviously offensive way, sexual conduct, or excretory functions.
3.The work as a whole must lack “serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific values”.
From one lawyer to what I can only assume is another lawyer, Barry_R, you’ve given me my legal laugh for the day.
while in high school our local mechanic had one as a loaner, trunk was rusted shut, it was 4 shades of green with primer and the only thing it did great was neutral drops. It go a city block with both wheels spinning before it got enough traction to move.
CRUSH IT!
even at that lo mileage I bet it has a rod knocking!
Doesn’t matter if it has 100 or 100000 miles, its a 1982 Olds Omega!
My 95 Caprice is more collectable than that thing!
As stated in the movie, A Christmas Story, “My father was an Olds Man”. We had a “56 88, ’62 F-85 wagon, a ’66 Vista Cruiser and a ’70 Cutlass S, all purchased at Bolton Olds in Pottstown, PA. In 1977, he purchased our first brand new car, a 1977 Olds Omega for my Mom. I inherited her ’70 Cutlass S. The brand spanking new Omega constantly stalled in traffic, overheated and consumed 2 quarts of oil every 500 or so miles. I remember the Old Man chewing out the service manager at the Olds dealership on the phone about 20 times, demanding a new car or at least a new motor. After about 4 months, the got the stalling fixed and de-glazed the cylinders to get to oil consumption under control. The Old Man then traded in it on a ’78 Caprice and never looked back at Oldsmobile.
My pap had an 82 Skylark…it had a v6 and it would scoot pretty well…when it was not in the garage getting worked on…such a POS…one of the worst cars i’ve ever had the misfortune of dealing with.
“and around the block on rare occasion to make sure that everything was all right” – I can just imagine the conversation afterward. “How’d the test drive go Jim, is everything all right?” “Ah nope it’s still shit”
The thing is kind of beat for the low miles. It has rust, the mirror on the passenger side is missing the glass, and the rubber around the bumpers.
I’d drive it. I’d try to do as many e brake burnouts as possible. My Grandad worked at GM when I was a kid and had a Citation with a V6. It was a POS, but I learned to drive in that POS.
Further sign of the apocalypse, after 20 bids, it’s at $4000..