Remember, the days have been getting shorter and shorter, and we are on our way towards autumn. You know…sunny days, cooler days, crisp air, falling leaves. Keep repeating that to yourself as you sweat buckets this week whenever you go outside. Hopefully that’ll help you make it through the day. Meanwhile, before you get out of the door, make sure you get a little bit of Scrapple in ya…
1. Sorry, folks…park’s closed. Moose out front should have told ya.
Not only is GM’s Bowling Green Assembly plant closed to the public, but it’s now coming out that orders for the 2018 Corvette have been put on hiatus while the plant goes into a three-month shutdown for work, including the finishing touches on a “state of the art paint shop” and plumbing. Or, at least, that’s what we are able to glean from our connections. We still smell a whiff of new-model every time we drive past the plant.
2. The lettuce and cheese gets everywhere and the car smells like bean farts for a week.
You can now literally call in your Taco Bell run when you are too drunk, stoned, or lazy to go yourself. Lyft, the rideshare app, has now put in a “Taco Mode”…this signals your would-be driver that you intend to make a pit stop at the nearest Taco Bell location. For those of us who suddenly crave a ten-pack of tacos but are too loaded to drive, that sounds amazing. For the drivers, it sounds like hell, especially since Lyft isn’t adding in some kind of kicker for sitting in a drive-thru for ten minutes while some dork who smells like PBR is yelling to an order box something about chalupas.
3. “Optimistic seller” isn’t even close to accurate…
The white 1993 Ford Bronco made infamous in the police chase for O.J. Simpson is up for grabs. If you’ve got a cool $750,000 it could be yours. By that news, we ought to find a look-alike and jump onto the bandwagon. A fake O.J. Bronco should fetch at least a quarter of that, right?
4. Honestly, though: no brake pedal?
From Nissan themselves, who are considering the technology for the next Nissan Leaf:
“With the flip of a switch, the technology turns your accelerator into an e-Pedal, allowing drivers to accelerate, decelerate and stop using just the e-Pedal. e-Pedal technology is the world’s first one-pedal operation that allows drivers to bring the car to a complete stop even on hills, stay in position, and resume driving instantly.
Drivers can cover 90% of their driving needs with the e-Pedal, making the process of driving more exciting. In heavy traffic and during city commutes, drivers will greatly reduce the need to shift from one pedal to the other, making your drive simpler and more engaging.”
The exciting moment…is that when you make a panicked move for a brake pedal just to find one isn’t there anymore?
5. Hi! My name is NOT A COP.
Jalopnik recently wrote up a deal that involved a guy who was selling a water/meth injection kit for a Scion online. Nothing wrong there. Nothing wrong with getting a bite on the ad and having someone text you for information on the kit either, is there? But tell us…how concerned would you be if one of the messages in that conversation was, “I like meth…”? What about “I’m a police officer…don’t tell anyone”?
Local drug enforcement brought to you by Chief Wiggum. Way to go, officer.
I remember many moons ago of some drug-crazed lunatic who shot up a mixture of Newcastle Brown Ale. LSD and contraceptive pills. I reckon somebody told him he would see God or something. So I wonder what that mixture would do to an engine if it was fed through the injectors….
E-pedal….. aside from the God awful marketing departments, why is one pedal driving having such a big push right now? Fat and lazy taking over? Too much effort to move your foot a few inches to the left? Cost cutting? I hope the brake lights come on during heavy deceleration for the idiots that can’t recognize that the car in front of them is slowing down.
It’s probably being pushed by the same jerks that advocate for roundabouts.