The opening to the Van Halen song “Hot For Teacher” is a solid testament to Alex Van Halen’s ability to rig a drum kit to do things far beyond the basics. He effectively connected four bass drums and went to work kicking while rocking the toms, and the end result sounded a pissed-off big-block loping along, fat and happy, waiting for the hapless victim to drive by, so much so that “the Hot For Teacher camshaft” is now an automotive meme. Truth be told, the similarities between the camshaft and a drum kit are pretty solid: the entire point is to keep time for every other moving part in the whole ensemble, when it works right it makes beautiful music, and when it doesn’t, everything goes to hell in a handbasket fast.

Normally I’d have picked out another one of my loud and brash songs that tempt me into breaking speed limits, but not today. Last night I was ready to sell the tools and burn the shop down. I was pissed…not loud and angry, but quiet and radiating angry, the kind you just can’t hide. The hot shower to rinse the oil and grease off of me did nothing. Laying in bed with the cats cuddled up to me did nothing. My wife doing her best to console me wasn’t easing the fury back. Then I see this…a Chevy Opala with one bitchin’ cam lope and a guy with an accordion.

Try to not smile. Good luck.