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Craigslist Find: We Have Never Felt Sorrier For A Lincoln Town Car Than We Do For This One


Craigslist Find: We Have Never Felt Sorrier For A Lincoln Town Car Than We Do For This One

Oh, no. This isn’t starting out good at all, is it? This poor, poor Lincoln…it looks like someone answered the question nobody asked, the kind of question that a crowd of people would line up for blocks to slap you for dredging up. Is it a converted ute? Is it a tasteless throwback to 1950’s over-the-top styling? Does it seriously have a freaking Continental kit out back? Yes, yes, and to the horror of my eyes, yes. I’m half-expecting to find a functioning hot tub hidden underneath that expansive tonneau cover.

incoln town truck 2 incoln town truck3

The problems really start when you try to piece together what happens. The eBay ad isn’t helpful, because it’s listed for sale as a 1995 Volkswagen Beetle Classic Convertible. You could FIT a classic droptop Bug in the back of this monstrosity! Leave Herbie out of this…it’s bad enough that this hacked Town Car looks like the kind of car the Love Bug would go for if it had a big-bumper fetish. There’s body creases everywhere…even the “bed” appears to be made of two sections, and the mocked up fender skirts look to be repurposed siding from some ancient mobile home’s decorative awning. And just to top the icing of the very classy thickly padded roof, you have cab lights.

incoln town truck 4

Cab lights. Are you $!#@-ing serious?

Here’s the ad, in it’s entirety: 1995 LINCOLN CONTINENTAL EXECUTIVE–BUILT ON PALMER CHASSIS [ TRUCK FRAME] 4.6 DUAL OVERHEAD CAM ENGINE, ORIGINAL PAINT , LEATHER SEATS LIKE NEW— EVERY OPTION, FREEZING AC, 66,000 EASY MILES, NEVER IN WRECK,
AIR RIDE LEVELING SUSPENSION,MOTOR SO QUIET YOU CAN”T HERE IT RUN,
SIDE DOORS FOR UNDER BED STORAGE, 4 NEW TIRES , NEW BRAKES,
ELVIS HAD ONE AND ALSO EVIEL KNIEVEL. IF YOU DON”T LIKE BEING PHOTOGRAPHED STAY CLEAR OF THIS VEHICLE–.FLY IN DRIVE IT HOME
75 ON THE INTERSTATE ALL DAY LONG 23 MPG

There’s a reason why people will be staring. This is a retirement home silver Lincoln that was attacked with intent to maim by someone wielding chop saws, torches and welders and the attack didn’t stop until Frankenstein’s monster rolled out of the shop. Could it possibly be saved? Maybe if you stuffed ditched the Continental kit (and it’s $45 worth of stick on letters from the local parts store), painted it ANY other color, fitted dual rear wheels and set a monster supercharged mill in the forward part of the bed, we could take it as a fast freak show. Right now, though, this is as horrifying as a Lincoln Town Car gets.

eBay Link: 1995 Volkswagen Beetle Classic Convertible I call bulls**t.

town truck rear


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8 thoughts on “Craigslist Find: We Have Never Felt Sorrier For A Lincoln Town Car Than We Do For This One

  1. Chevy Hatin' Mad Geordie

    Well – I have to say I for one find this a really cool car!

    The modifications have been done well, it all looks weirdly in proportion and even the continental kit looks fine! All it needs is to be painted the deepest glossiest black possible and it will be perfect.

    C’mon. guys – give it a chance…

    1. Chevy Hatin' Mad Geordie

      A flower car?

      If I had it there would be very realistic dismembered corpses under that bed cover and the only flowers would be those mentioned in Nick Cave’s excellent “Where the Red Roses Grow” that would play at excruciating volume every time it was opened…

  2. Hot Rod

    I’ve thought about trying to convert a Town Car into a Ranchero. But this is the wrong way to do it.

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