SEMA can be the best that the automotive arena has to offer, but sometimes beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Both times I’ve gone, I’ve found myself wondering just how a particular car was even allowed anywhere near the Las Vegas Convention Center, let alone inside the show. Some of the custom cars can be bad, but some of the manufacturer cars can be worse. This year is shaping up to be no different at all. Here’s what we know is coming to the show that will inspire us to go find the nearest bar for the strongest drink:
1. Ram ProMaster “Hospitality Van”
So the ProMaster looks like a catfish with a set of eyes…it’s still a huge van that is useful. For that the Mopar folks have turned it into a sort of lounge combined with a merch shop. Not a bad idea, but one has to wonder if fitting beer taps into the van is a great idea. It’s a show vehicle, but in reality this is a show of how useful a rolling breadbox can be. Next…
Look for instead: Dodge Viper ACR, Dodge Challenger T/A
2. Ford Expedition “DUB Edition”
“DUB” is still a thing? Apparently so, because this Expedition is kitted with 26″ wheels that may or may not have tires. They might have just cast a solid wheel and painted the top black, I can’t tell. Overall, the color is cool, it’s nice to see a little chrome on the Expedition and if the wheels were 20″ or less they’d look really good. Instead we get a reminder that a fool and his money are soon parted.
Look for instead: Vaughn Gitten, Jr.’s F-150 drift truck
3. Ford Expedition “Tijn Edition”
What’s better than an Expedition on 26″ wheels? FLARES! The wheel wells get punched out more than an IMSA car from the 1970s and copper-toned wheels are stuffed underneath the gel-coat gray exterior. Couldn’t even find a color you liked? Ok, I guess primer gray will work.
Look for instead: ANY Ford Mustang
4. Toyota Sienna “DUB Edition”
So you and the lady you took to see 2 Fast 2 Furious got together, spawned, and needed a minivan, but you both refuse to turn in your flat-brimmed hats and JNCO jeans just yet? Here’s your answer, complete with mesh grilles and that all-important “DUB” badge. Family ballin’, yo.
Look for instead: Any of Toyota TRD’s off-road trucks
5. Toyota Yaris “DUB Edition”
And the hits just keep on coming! This Yaris has gained hips to tuck 20s underneath and has gained racing seats to make the interior just a touch less basic. I honestly don’t know why this car exists, unless some hipster really digs the look.
Look for instead: Toyota FT-1
6. Scion tC “Slayer”
When you think of speed metal and cars combined, you think of such vehicles as the DeathProof Nova and Charger, or maybe Mike “Mr. Angry” Musto’s pair of psychotic black Dodges. The Scion tC doesn’t even come close to the correct formula. It’s like throwing the devil horns up for Nickelback’s “How You Remind Me”: we appreciate your enthusiasm but you missed the point.
Look for instead: Scion FR-S Targa
7. Hyundai Sonata Turbo “JP Edition”
While I will throw credit to Hyundai and John Pangilinan for taking a Sonata and doing something with it (a daunting task by itself), it’s the mainstay of what we don’t like about SEMA cars: All show, no go. The graphics package is supposed to reflect L.A. “street art”. Okay…
Look for instead: Huyndai/Bismoto Sonata Turbo, rumored to be over 700hp
8. Jeep Renegade Frostbite
FCA is bringing two Renegades to the show, and the other concept, “Riptide”, at least looks like it’s trying. This thing looks like Hello Kitty’s 4×4. Apparently Hello Kitty is into snowboarding. Good for her.
Look for instead: Ram Outdoorsman. It has a bench built into the tailgate and it’s own tent in the bed.
9. Scion xB “Riley Hawk edition”
Riley Hawk is skateboarding legend Tony Hawk’s kid, and his interests are reportedly the reason why this Mirco Machine shaggin’ wagon was built. And it’s true to form, with diamond-patterned leather seats up front with wood everywhere on the dash (including a three-spoke wood rim steering wheel!), a CB radio, shag fur everywhere, porthole window, roof extension, fake side pipes, and a stripe package not seen since the 1980 Ford Pinto Cruising Wagon. At least this one has the bonus of passing the DNA blacklight test.
Look for instead: …did I mention the FR-S Targa?
Really, these things designed by 12 year olds?
That Shaggin Wagon does look like something I drew when I was about 10. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m revolted or like it.
The scion shag wagon looks better than what I see of them out in public.
LMAO! You’re kill’in it with the commentary Bryan, lol.
And according to Facebook, Charles wants his DNA in that Scion wagon.
Randal I want to spread my seed all over the inside of that Scion Xb,
McTaggart your dead to me now
LMAO!
Charles, you’re a sick, sick man.
I say they cut that Hawk fella loose on that Mopar van. Keep the kegerators though. Everything else looks like hot trash, esp. the Slayer mobile. There are exactly 0 Slayer fans driving Scions. There are a couple in Hoboken driving old Corollas, but that’s as close as it gets.
Absolutely nothing wrong with the Sonata or the 26s on the Expedition.
I don’t know I had 22s on my Impala SS (95) with “rubber bands” and though the look was spot on, the ride was hell. The Ashantis always put smiles on the ladies faces though.
I can’t agree with ya on the Scion shagg’n wagon. I think it is hilariously awesome. That interior is perfect in every detail. Even the seat belts are 70’s spec GM style metal squares. I thought that if any site would appreciate this thing, it would be Bangshift. I was wrong.
The one thing they nailed the era with the Scion-’70’s van. It has literally everything a hot van from the disco era had down the stripes and Cragars.
I am not sure there is anything that can be done to that Dodge van make it cool. It’s ugly on ugly. It has equal company of all new vans being offered these days.
Haha, the reason why the Dodge van looks like any other new van nowadays is that it is actually one of four of the same. Google Citroen Relay, Peugeot Boxer and Fiat Ducato. And it’s not even a new model, it’s last year’s pre-face lift model. Since the formation of FCA, the Italians are shafting you with left overs. Just lucky you did get the current Chrysler Ypsilon and not the old second generation.
At least the last Dodge vans were based on the current Mercedes Sprinter/VW Crafter.
I like the 70’s look Scion xB van.
I actually kind of dig the Shagg’n Wagon. Proof that Cragers make everything cool!
the shag wagon is the only cool one of the bunch
can we move on from the gigantic wheels wrapped in rubber band tires
and Yes Cragar super sports could even make the Dodge/Mopar promaster look cool
The ‘Frostbite’ looks like the yeti from the old Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer claymation.
Come on Bangshift. The scion is absolutely perfect.
I would be proud to drive that all day long.
you shut your dirty whore mouth, that shaggin’ wagon is the SHIT! I would rock the hell out of that thing…
The Expedition DUB edition came out surprisingly well; it could have been a lot worse. I wasn’t expecting DUB to show that much taste or restraint – they didn’t on the other DUB edition things.