It has been far too long since we last came at you with some scrapple here on BangShift. Chad and I have been working our asses off on a model rocket project in North Korea as of late and that has taken up most of our time. I don’t think it will make the news, but we had a couple of issues yesterday and I think we may be out of a job. Whatevs. Lots of annoying and inane automotive crap has been going down as of late, so open your mouths baby birds, papa has a worm for you. It is scrapple time once more!
Toyota recalls 2011-2012 Prius models to repair exhaust problem – ‘Scuse me there Mr. Irony, mind stepping out of the way, we’re trying to get through. Toyota has started a “service campaign” to repair the actuators in the vehicle’s exhaust heat recovery system. We’re amazed something as toxic as heat emits from the most amazingly awesome vehicle ever created. We thought only gentle breezes smelling of fresh cut flowers wafted from the exhaust pipe of the Prius. Hell, the vast majority of Prius owners will be shocked and offended to even learn that they car is equipped with an exhaust system! Oh the horror!
An ARCA team owner wants to give Jeremy Mayfield a ride – In other news, the grandson of Titanic Captain Robert Smith has been offered the wheel of a new coast hugging Italian cruise ship. Obviously the team owner got a good publicity shot out of this completely insane announcement but what if he didn’t actually know that Mayfield is up on nine charges involving drugs and stolen property. You can imagine that conversation after the first reporter called him with his public relations people, “Why didn’t you stop me from doing this?! I thought the guy just stopped driving! At least he’s not up on drugs charges. WHAT?! HE’S UP ON DRUG CHARGES?!”
Lotus executives flip out on Facebook over claims of false reporting – Remember Lotus? Colin Chapman, Jimmy Clark, light cars that killed a bunch of people? You know, the good old days. Well they are now owned by a company in Malaysia and have some insane plan to roll out a bunch of different models over the next few years. Small problems with this plan include the fact that the company is apparently in shambles, has no money, has no designs, and is more concerned with selling branded merchandise, and has made the fatal mistake of angering their largely douchey late model ownership base. They got pissed at some claims made by various outlets that the CEO was gone, that they were broke, that their parent company had been swallowed up and Lotus was soon to be spun off by the new owner, their their F1 team will soon collapse, etc. They didn’t necessarily provide any proof to contradict these accusations but man do they sound pissed trying to deny them!
Chevy orders all of the Chevy powered Indy car teams at Long Beach to swap engines – Citing an issue with engine calibration that would affect all the teams running Chevy V6 Indy Car engines this weekend at the Long Beach Grand Prix, officials from Chevy told all of their teams to pull and replace the engines they had been running in their cars. Luckily, there will be no embarrassment for Chevy in this situation because no one gives a rat’s ass about Indy Car racing…other than the thousands of people getting drunk in the sun this weekend in Long Beach and half of them probably got to the race in an effing Prius.
Government to order cars to include an automatic brake override system on new cars, bye bye brake stands – Thanks to a number of Toyota drivers who couldn’t discern the fact that their floor mat was holding their accelerator pedal down and claimed some mystical power was  causing their cars to accelerate unintentionally, we’re in for another nanny-state law. The government will order automakers to equip new cars with an automatic brake override system, meaning that as soon as you touch the brake pedal, even if you are on the gas, you know like doing a burnout like a true BangShifter, the throttle will immediately close, no matter the pedal position. This is so wrong on so many levels we cannot even imagine them all. Hopefully some enterprising hot rodders out there will have a re-flash of the computers in these cars ready quickly, because what’s the point of a new high performance car if you can’t do frigging burnouts. This rule sucks, those people in the Toyotas suck, and the nanny-state mentality sucks.
Chevy is cancelling the Avalanche —— NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Â Oh wait, we thought that Dairy Queen was cancelling the blizzard. Whew. That would have sucked.
NOOOOOOO…
My 98 R/T is one of the most fun vehicles Ive owned, and its a truck. Its a cult thing now.
BKB
Literally lol’d. Through this whole article, this should be done every week!
Sheer brillance
I agree, this needs to be a regular feature
I think she could go on and get nekkid for Playtoy or something and make more money. I’d also like to have a weekend to see if she could really outdrive me or not.
No surprise there.
The NHRA booth sound sweet though – me, all my kids, and how many others for 325? F* the cater, unless they have hydro. I’ll need a place to nap between rounds. These are A/C’d booths right? YES. I’m in. They’ll still let me rush the gate at the starting line to have my heart pounded out of my chest with Nitro cars, right? Right? I get a pit pass? Bargain.
RX no more rotary – mixed emotions. Cars got pretty fat for a rotary. I’ll think this one over. I’m kinda sad. Maybe. Apex seals might as well be a diesel to me.
Hey Ched, blow me. Was the comment even necessary? She’s got a ride. And? If you have rich heritage in bootlegging.. wait, that’s changed. If your folks ar RICH you can probably get a seat too. How hard is it to turn left again?
still pissy. Smug? REALLY?
Smug. Yeah, okay. She can turn left and chose to not turn right because the money is better turning left only and she’s got a much better chance of a win.
I respect the lady, but I don’t respect your comment.
I didnt think the Dakota was a bad truck. It should have been marketed better. The RX 8 is kinda a shame. Mazda has some real crappy cars now without it.
“If you’re excited about the 2012 Camry leave and never come back”
haha Great!
after reading all that, I want to build a rotory powered dakota
yes, please do this weekly
Brian this very funny.Thanks for laughs,Kevin.
LOL
Bread spokesman. Exactly
About the Ranger WHO CARES. Note the Non smiley face guy at the start of the report.
Oh I see. Someone edited the story after negative comments were received, making the comments seem like they make no sense. Apparently there was something here a while ago referring to Danika the Indy car driver, and also something about the Dakota and Ford something or other else. Cutted and pasted apparently.
Now that’s classy, and it makes for excellent site reading.
The Blues Brothers in a Chevy crap-box like that? Have they any idea how absolutely ironic this is? It’s like Sigfried and Roy advertising suppository flea-collars for cats. Wait, no it’s not really like that at all.
Ermott, the posts about Danica and the small trucks were from last week’s version. Not sure how there on this weeks scrapple, but they were defiantly from last week.
Good stuff Brian, I look forward to this every week!
Brian, even at three-quarters of a million bucks, a 40 footer cannot be considered a yacht.
Landlubber.
These keep getting better each week, keep them coming!
Last I heard, Obama had an Escape hybrid, not sure if he knows how to add washer fluid though.
i thought the nitro and caliber was killedoff a year ago no idea they where still being made
A 40 foot boat is a yacht tender, not a yacht. Doesn’t matter how expensive it is.
I agree with LandLubber
PS: i see how the comments work, they carry on week to week while the stories are changed. makes for a surreal experience 🙂
About LINCOLN.
Lincoln is a tired, old geriatric joke. No RWD V8s to take on the Germans, the Japanese, or Gov’t Motors’ Cadillac. . . .An alphabet soup of MK-who-cares badge-engineered FWD Fords . . . Electron-sucking hybrids. Nothing of use for any Bangshifters anymore.
The forgetable flotsam Lincoln peddles nowadays is a far cry from the majestic, full-classic K-series, or the La Carrera-winning Capris (Yes, Dale Jr., Capri was a race winning Lincoln before it was a tiny German Ford), or the elegant Continentals.
How the mighty have fallen . . . and can’t get up!
— Speedy (Wishing I was on 2011 Drag Week instead of looking at a collection of blown-up junk scattered around the shop)
BTW, I guess that factory aluminum “Land Yacht” sign on the back of my less-than-forty-foot Airstream is in error . . . .
Obama had a Chrysler 300 when he was still allowed to drive, it was sold on ebay a few years ago.
I hope they DO save Lincoln and do something like GM has done with Cadillac the last few years. We have seen enough brands die off the last few years!
WHY DO YOU POST YOUR DAD HAD A BUG AND YOUR A PUSS. STOP ITS OLD FIND SOMETHING NEW. IF YOU DONT LIKE THE STORY DONT READ IT. IF YOU WANTED TO BE A FACT FINDER OR AND EDITOR ASK FOR THE JOB. UNTIL THEN ALL YOU NOSE PICKERS NEED TO GO AWAY.
They had the Lincoln Marks that were all cool cars —And they killed them because why? Dipsh%^@ in marketing dept and Accounting.
Funny stuff about the unobtainium Enzo – I think anyone who races a car that “irreplaceable” should immediately be inducted into the automotive hall of fame (with trophy consisting of brass balls). The fact that someone is crying about it, only makes the story more compelling.
Just one question – if we built it once, why can’t we build another one? there’s why I couldn’t careless.
Also, seeing the heckles being raised make this a must read column every week – don’t stop 🙂
Probably wasn’t even Peewee at all. These comments are anonymous and you can steal other people’s names to do it. It also lets all the riff-raff in to say stupid and unkind things. I liked it better when we had to sign in to post comments on the blog. Kept us honest.
gee, could Matt, PeePee & PeeWeeWee be the same? wow, whoever you are your a genius! no one would ever figure out that you just like being a dick…. Should go back to only registered users being able to comment….
Someone actually drove one of the FXX’s??? That should have been front page news dammit!
Personally I think that anyone from this place that acts professional should be drug out in the street and shot. They set a bad example for the rest of us.
As an FYI…the “administrator” is the same guy posting all the other junk. A true interwebs assassin!
If we copyright our screen names, will this yoyo have to pay us when he hijacks them?
I say offer the SRT8 mill in EVERYTHING it will fit in. That’s how they used to offer performance gear in the old days. And it homologates the package for future Bangshifters with the smog police. That’s all good!
Why should a Bangshifter who can’t fit all his or her gear into a Challenger be deprived of SRT8 HEMI power?
Seven percent’s not a bad take rate on an expensive high-performance package. SRT8 cars are sold by the handful anyhow, so that shouldn’t be a concern. GO FIAT!
While it’s a fad that will ultimately cheapen the brand, Aston has no choice. Regulations on average CO2 emissions are the problem. They’ve got to sell Cygnets to lower their corporate CO2 average so that they can keep selling their legenday V12 supercars.
These sorts of regulations are similar to the same ones that will greatly restrict the supply of V8s in America (and make them much more expensive) after 2016.
I blame BBR for Dodge making another “sports” SUV – after all, goes the reasoning, if he can race the slowest SUV on the planet – then they can build the slowest racing SUV on the planet.
looool
I didn’t know they still made Durango R/Ts. The first gen Durango R/Ts were kinda popular, and the Dakota R/Ts still have a big following and run 14s. Like Speedy says, putting the big Hemi in everything will only make it more available for future V8 swaps.
Instead of complaining about Cygnet sales, you ought to be beside yourself with glee. Every 50k Cygnet sold strengthens a company that produces fine sports cars, ensuring they will be able to maintain that tradition into the future. Or would you rather they slowly starve while hand building a handful of million dollar cars each year?
It’s like complaining that Ford sells a pedestrian Mustang when they ought to be sending all the bodies off to Las Vegas, to make nothing but Shelby Cobras. Bread and butter cars power car companies and at 50k a pop the Cygnet is a nice slice of rye indeed
Geez Brian, tell us how you really feel. Don’t hold back now 😉
TOP SECRET from the desk of Sergio Marchionne (not really):
11. Everybody’s just waiting for the turbocharged Abarth 500 (which is what “Maria F. MoPar” should have stepped off of Ellis Island with first).
10. Nearly everybody in the 500’s target market is just WAITING FOR A JOB. . . . (that’s called lack of “employment awareness”)
9. Doesn’t come in a “RAM” pickup edition
8. “What’s a FIAT?” (Consumers too young to remember FIAT’s stellar “reliability” record).
7. “#@$%! FIAT!” (Consumers old enough to remember FIAT’s “stellar” unreliability record.)
6. Waiting for the “Fast and Furious VI signature” edition.
5. Price-gouging dealers who think they’re selling MINIs instead of a smal, obscure (to Yanks), low-performance microcar from the legendary house of “Fix It Again Tony.”
4. Prius, New Beetle and Smart have cornered the American “wimpitude” niche.
3. Not “Bangshift approved.” (a Twenty-part build by Rick Ehrenberg, SAE, in “Mopar Action” will make up for this slight)
2. Buyers hoping to pick one up cheap at the liquidation sale.
1. Waiting for the SRT-8 Edition (in the proud tradition of HEMIfied ’36-’55 Topolinos)
11. Bring back Lee “Father of the Mustang” Iacocca for commercials that say “If you can find a better Mexican-built Italian car, buy it!”
10. Market them as enclosed Hoveround scooters for senior adults.
9. (Oprah magic) Give away free 500s to the viewers of the “Rosie O’Donnell” show (It worked for Pontiac).
8. Rebadge Penske’s NASCAR “Dodges” as Fiat 500s.
7. Sergio Marchionne Commercials that say “We didn’t take the bailout money, Capiche.”
6. Free 500 with purchase of a Starbucks Trenta cappuchino.
5. Free roadside assistance . . . FOR LIFE! (History suggests you’re going to need it)
4. In the spirit of the Aston-Martin Cygnet, rebrand it as a Ferrari and raise the price to $50,000.00.
3. Sign team of millionaire street racing prepsters from Canada (sadly now beating feet) for a tour of “rolling roadblock” performance awareness clinics.
2. Sox & Martin Fiat 500 (even in “Weekend at Bernie’s” mode, Mr. Four Speed could probably still shut ’em down with a few robotic tweaks)
1. Tell the truth . . . “We know you’d rather have a bitchin 600 h.p. HEMI, but this is the 50 m.p.g. future. Besides, you’re a wuss.”
I bet the Fiat 500’s biggest problem is that it’s built for a $12 per gallon of gas market.
the fiat 500. just somthing about a car that can fit in the back of my minivan scares me to drive it in my town.
people have a hard enough time seeing my 97 Grand Marquis and that car is the size of 6 fiats
Drive a Fiat 500 and you’ll quickly see why it’s not selling. It doesn’t handle like a go-kart…. probably because it weighs as much as a 55 Chevy.
“8. “What’s a FIAT?” (Consumers too young to remember FIAT’s stellar “reliability” record).
7. “#@$%! FIAT!” (Consumers old enough to remember FIAT’s “stellar” unreliability record.)
”
LMAO!!
What you don’t want to check out the SKATH Crank Kits?,Ebelbruck Intakes and DSM Ignitions?
Fieat should have Imported the Abarth 500’s ONLY,if they want to sell Fiats here.
Only 11,000 Fiat 500’s sold? They all must be in LA. I see them everyday.
“GM is reportedly interested in BMW’s gasoline and diesel technology . . . Yes, GM is interested in stuff they probably already know . . . .”
R-I-G-H-T.
“Government Motors” — the purveyor of the antiquated, two-valve, pushrod aluminum broadfork known as the “LESS V8” (probably the most technolgically obsolete engine still in mass production in a Westernized country) — already knows EVERYTHING BMW does about making QUALITY gasoline and light diesel engines . . . .
That would explain all of the direct-injected, Valvetronic-equipped, 8,000+ r.p.m. redline M3 and M5 clones that GM builds. Or GM’s fleet of advanced, high-mileage, high-performance turbo diesel cars . . . . (Don’t forget GM’s Vauxhall, Opel and Chevrolet divisions already compete with BMW in Europe, where turbo diesels command one-third of the new car market)
While some experts say that neither GM nor BMW have all the internal combustion technology necessary to meet the 54.2 MPG CAFE average by 2025, BMW is likely a lot closer than GM in some market segments.
“Maximum” Bob Lutz worked both places, so perhaps he’s got some insight (and connections) that inform this deal.
The Camaro ZL-1 sounds intriguing. Not all of us are into drag racing.
It is interesting that a $50,000+, 4,200-pound mound of “Camaro,” featuring an undervalved Kettering-style V8, force-fed by an 19th century mine-shaft air pump, can lap “The Ring” in “Porsche territory.”
Just imaging what they could do with a proper modern engine in a lightweight car — instead of a bedless El Camino that weighs more than a ’64 Impala and reprises an electronically-enhanced version of 1948 technology under its hood.
Speedy, it must be Friday because you seem to be nicer to GM in your last post. Give GM a break, the Camaro has to haul at least 1/2 ton of McD’s swilling occupants; thus it needs the load capacity of a medium duty truck. The small windows are a visual aid for the rest of us by only letting is get a small glimpse of what lies inside.
Although, with that amount of blubber inside, I can’t imagine why they’d also need airbags.
LOL
And I always thought the small windows were for more protection during drive-by shootings (sort of a moving WWII “pillbox” bunker)
“…..Dorito farted in appreciation…..”
That Sir, was hilarious. I actually laughed.
Just on the ZL-1 on the `ring – I think you’re a bit over the top…lotsa Americans actually L:IKE going around corners…and therefore this has relevance to plenty of people. By the way, the reason Camaro’s DO handle is cos they are based on Australian Commodore underpinnings – and Australians DO value going around corners (as well as drag racing ) – you’re allowed to like both, you know…
FIAT = Fix It Agian Tony
Speedy must be underemployed or between jobs again, here comes his nitwit comments.
Just a reminder: Nardelli was passed over at GE when Welsh retired. He then took over Home Depot after Bernie and Arthur retired and proceeded to ban their photos at the corporate office, ruin the price of the stock, replace higher paid, trained salespeople with temps, move the shareholders meeting at the last minute from Atlanta so to lessen angry shareholders attendence then golden parachuted out of there. Chrysler hired him out of imposed retirement.
Stay Classy, Bob.
Don’t you want to find Hunkins?
He probably be in the Conti lounge sometime discussing the merits of Ohlins versus Penske shocks (and snapping up “matte finish” recyclables for PHR’s coverstock)
Besides it’s FREE STARBUCKS!
Thanks for the update. Goes down like a jagged glass milkshake on Fridays. Thanks Brian. Oh and when your not too busy at SEMA we are throwing down on go karts Wed night.
So Tesla gets $200k in govt money, plus another $100k or so from the buyer, per car? I’m in wrong business.
I’m not sure of some of these car manufacturers… PRIDE, BWM, FAIT, HYUNDA??? They probably make some parts for Cherry too (it’s the chinese made copies of chevy).
My 2000 Suburban will reach 300 000km soon, think Chevy will give me a new one?
Seriously in maintenance he has more than spent the money needed to buy a new one.
I actually saw a Tesla Roadster the other day.
Kyle Busch commits intentional vehicular assault and battery on national TV . . . and doesn’t get fired (try that at your job) . . . hard-earned taxpayer money is squandered like a drunken sailor on shore leave to subsidize impractical electric cars that almost nobody wants . . . China buys an “Indy car” race with money that we sent to them . . . Toyota dumps dangerous crap into our market (and pays thug Kyle Busch) but dupes continue to snap up their predatory products . . .. What a country!
BangShift makes my accounting job better.
Thanks!!
Prius, the single largest emitter of SMUG.
ok there is anothe rissue witht eh break over ride besides that lackof burnout goodness
it will now beharder to diagnose engine issues under load. at my work to cinferm a misfire unser load or other enigne issue we would put the vehicle into drive or revers and do a break stand to load up the engine.
The only good news about the brake and gas pedal is for those dumbasses who actually drive automatic cars with one foot on each pedal. You never if they just forgot to take their foot off the pedal or are really braking, I hate it!!
am i the only guy who will miss the Avalanche?..
Yes