I swear, I’m *this* close to walking up to panicky buyers in stores, going “achoo!” at them and watching the herd bolt in fear. It’d be like Animal Planet, where the herd of impalas realize that there’s a big cat in the grass before the leopard has a prayer of making a surprise attack. What a week…at this point, we’re exhausted just trying to keep up with it all and I don’t know about Brian or Chad, but I’m so sick of hearing the word “corona”. Can we get back to the cars? Can the temperatures warm up, and everybody just step outside and be human beings to one another for a minute? Please? I can dream…but for right now, let’s focus on some overlooked, kind-of news from the land of four wheels. This is Scrapple…enjoy!
1. Missing two of something?
Sorry, Bond, but your next Aston Martin isn’t going to sound snotty and sexy at the same time. Aston Martin is preparing the phasing out of the AMG-sourced 4.0L twin-turbo V8 in favor of a 3.0L V6 hybrid setup. First the V-12, now the V8…do you remember the Aston Martin Cygnet? If not, you might want to take another look to see into the future.
2. Planet Fitness memberships are pretty cheap…
We’ve often been critical of trucks and SUVs and their amazing growth over the past twenty years, and we weren’t wrong about it either. A piece in USA Today recently noted how trucks and SUVs are out-growing standard parking structures, home garages and even normal parking lots. They are too big, they don’t fit, and some parking lot companies are charging extra. Yet the trend towards “bigger is better” just keeps on growing. It’s not a good day when a 1977 Chevrolet Caprice looks dainty by comparison, and it’s even worse sitting in one waiting for you to finish your twenty-seven point turn to park the Canyonero so you can run into Home Goods for a basket.
3. Don’t actually be safe, just f**king annoying.
Have you had the joy of driving a car with driver aids like lane-keep assist or drowsy driver observation software yet? How have you enjoyed those new nannies? Chances are you probably hate them and ignored them. The IIHS doesn’t like that. Here is a direct quote, taken from an article from The Truth About Cars:
“Unfortunately, the more sophisticated and reliable automation becomes, the more difficult it is for drivers to stay focused on what the vehicle is doing,” said IIHS President David Harkey. “That’s why systems should be designed to keep drivers actively engaged.”
Re-read: Obey or you WILL obey.
“When the driver monitoring system detects that the driver’s focus has wandered, that should trigger a series of escalating attention reminders. The first warning should be a brief visual reminder. If the driver doesn’t quickly respond, the system should rapidly add an audible or physical alert, such as seat vibration, and a more urgent visual message.
Moments later, all three types of warnings should be presented. Throughout this sequence, the urgency of each alert should continue to escalate. If the driver doesn’t respond to the alerts, the system should increase following distance from the vehicle ahead and pulse the brakes to provide a warning that is difficult to ignore.”
I’ll burn the damn thing to the ground before I own any kind of machine that throws a toddler’s temper tantrum.
4. You can have any beer you like…as long as it’s a
We know you’ve been dying to see the ninth installment of the Fast and Furious franchise. Well…you’re going to have to wait just a little bit longer, because production has been delayed due to issues related to The Year of The Virus. F9 will be released on April 2, 2021.
5. So close…
Cadillac was infamously firm about the Blackwing V8 not being used in any other GM vehicle. In fact, they’ve gone so far as to not put it into the upcoming CT5-V. Earlier, there were reports that MAT, the company that has the rights to produce the New Stratos and the Aspark Owl, was getting the opportunity to utilize the Blackwing for a future project. Unfortunately, that’s not the case…Cadillac did sell the Propulsion Engineering Center in Turin, Italy to the Punch Group (part of MAT) but the Blackwing V8 was not included in the deal. Shame. Can you imagine the New Stratos with the LTA 4.2L twin-turbo mill barking out of the pipes?
While there are a few features about the new cars I find useful, I find most of them to be an annoyance at best, and a dangerous distraction at worse. I find most of them lead to more distracted drivers, and that is, indeed, a very dangerous thing.
Have you ever seen the surprised faces when you say that you could probably stop a car just as easily by pumping the brakes yourself as relying on anti-lock brakes? There are folks now that truly believe that its the automaker’s responsibility to save them from themselves. I guess I’m just getting too old…at 52.
I drove my brother’s Lexus RX350 and the stupid steering wheel started vibrating when it went near the dotted lines on the highway. He didn’t like it when I called the Lexus a nanny car.
Some new Subarus will actually give the steering wheel a bump to keep you in your lane – it is reading the white lines.
Apparently it may not “see” the bicycle you are swerving to avoid and pull you back toward the inside line – pretty frightening for all involved.