Whoever decided to bring in a dump truck’s worth of middle-of-the-road news to our driveway, you can feel free to take all but the bits and scraps we’ve decided to keep. This week has been one for the record books of boring, so let’s just dig right in with this week’s serving of Scrapple. No, it didn’t blink at you…just hit it with the hot sauce and eat it, you big baby.

1. Virginia’s newest highway full of drones:

Virginia is not a car-friendly state. Ask anybody you know who has ever had the misfortune of registering a car or commuting in that state. But in the interest of getting businesses to move from the West Coast to the East Coast, Virginia has elected to open sections of Interstates 95, 495, and 66 to autonomous traffic, provided the vehicles pass a test performed by the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute. And fear not…one mandate is that a human driver must be in the driver’s seat, ready to take over, at all times during operation.

2. The Lincoln Aviator is coming back!

In name only, on an Explorer copy, maybe…Do you care? Didn’t think so. Moving on…

3. Shell cranks gasoline up to 11! 

It’s called V-Power Nitro+ Premium, and basically it’s premium gasoline with a chemical mix that is supposed to coat parts to prevent friction wear. “V-Power Nitro+ Premium” fuel. Have you ever watched the movie Idiocracy? You can get your V-Power Nitro+ Premium fuel while you’re munching your Extra Big-Ass Fries and drinking your Brawndo. (It has electrolytes!)

4. Mr. Bean’s McLaren has sold. Sorry…better luck next time!

Jalopnik reported that Rowan Atkinson’s 1997 McLaren F1 has finally sold for a staggering $12.2 million. That means that the car he would’ve spent around a solid million dollars on then (approximately $1.4 million now) has not only been a great driver and a twice-expensive repair bill, but has probably earned him money as well, even after two wrecks. Meanwhile, our cars lose value while they sit parked.

5. Marchionne, it’s a car company. Not a Tinder date.

The more I get to read about Sergio Marchionne’s desperate plea to partner up FCA with another manufacturer, the more pissed-off I get. The official claim is that Marchionne believes that manufacturers waste billions of dollars in development costs, so by pairing up, money can be saved. In the real world, the manufacturers that love competition and fair play have looked at Marchionne’s desperate pleas to hook up with the same bit of revulsion normally seen during late-night one-night-stand proposals. Most manufacturers have already told Sergio to stuff it, but like that one dork in high school that never got the message, he isn’t giving up on pairing off just yet and is rumored to have shifted focus to a “plan B” list of manufacturers, which includes Hyundai/Kia, Toyota, VW Group, and even Peugeot/Citroen. Yikes. Even though VW did have a quick deal with Chrysler, borrowing the Caravan to create the Routan, the likelihood that any of these companies are willing to bite are slim to none. Is it too early to re-start the Chrysler Deathwatch Clock? I hope not, but fear it might be the perfect time. Even Allpar has taken note: “Allpar readers are almost united in their opposition to Fiat Chrysler merging with anyone. Considering the response from the other automakers, they’re in good company.” Ouch.