Until the Cadillac CTS series of cars appeared, nobody should have ever looked at a Cadillac product and thought, “You know, I bet that would make a bitchin’ corner carver!” I have many, many ways to explain just how wrong that line of thinking is, most of which aren’t printable here. Cadillac did one thing well: they could make two leather couches roll down the road in a straight line while looking both stately and stylish. Cadillac clung as hard as they could to the old-school ways of luxury…wide, long, low, and heavier than a Mississippi River barge. At what point would cornering be an issue? If there was a corner, slow down, and turn at the appropriate speed, dear boy…it isn’t a race car, it’s a Cadillac!
What worked for the 1950s and 1960s, however, was soon biting Cadillac on the ass in the 1980s. Not to knock the X-body Cadillac Seville…the Nova-based junior Caddy did well in it’s own right…but no up-and-coming Yuppie wanted anything to do with an American brand. BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Audi…those were the benchmarks, and those were the names that Cadillac tried to chase. First up to bat, however, was not an Eldorado with an upgraded suspension and a new, moody theme…it was the unquestionably horrific Cimarron, the $12,000 Chevrolet Cavalier that almost did the brand name in. When looking at the 1984 ETC, we get the sensation of yet another badge-engineering job: this looks like a very squared off version of the Buick Riviera T-Type, from the hubcaps to the blacked out looks.
Motorweek tested this massive coupe back in the day and were praising it left right and center. Not sure why…the performance figures are dismal and watching the front suspension at work in a slalom course is cringe-worthy. Whether it’s plowing better than any John Deere I’ve ever seen or is spinning around like a hippo ballerina from Fantasia, everything about this Caddy seems wrong…
I agree with Hoovie. Testing luxury barges on a slalom course is stupid. Since when was Grandma hitting the apex of a corner? but yet here we are, some arrogant MT writer getting all hot and bothered that Cadillacs don’t zig. They do now, and we’re poor for it.
And seriously, do you zig McSquatch? maybe we can get you out on a pair of ice skates and let you show us your dance routine….
and now that I say that, I want to see it.