All of the requirements were met: monster motor, questionable installation into seriously unqualified vehicle, Washington State plates…yep, the one and only, the legend, our friend Bobby had found a gem while surfing Craigslist, and this gem looks an awful lot like a Ford Pinto Cruising Wagon. You know, the panel delivery version of everybody’s favorite road-going firebomb waiting to happen that was gussied up to mimic “shaggin wagon” vans. Porthole window aside, if anybody ever tried any of the same hijinks in a Pinto station wagon, we only hope that their chiropractor was good. We do know that’s a 1979-80 front clip on this wagon, but that is the least bothersome change from the day the wagon was sold off of the dealership lot.

Count in nearly forty years of wear and tear, and you can forgive the rough paint, the Fox Mustang turbine wheels, and the hoodscoop that we are struggling to identify…isn’t that the same scoop they used on Mustang II Cobras? Again, this isn’t that bad…you can rinse off the dirt/pollen/algae off of the car. No, pop the hood to see why we are a tad concerned:

Yeah, that’s correct: a Lincoln’s 460 has been stuffed into the Pinto like bread crumbs were shoved forearm-deep into a turkey. The seller notes that the hard part is done, and we agree: somehow they’ve managed to stuff ten pounds into the five-pound bag and make it fit. Making it run, however, seems to be in question. We don’t know if it runs or not. Our biggest suspicion: the white and green Washington state plate. Those were phased out in 1987 in favor of a design that is, for the most part, shared with the currently-issued plate. A Ford Pinto that has been off the road since the Regan years, packing a lead weight in the nose that makes 300 more horsepower than the car probably came with, that needs fixing. What could possibly go wrong?

Bobby, hear me clearly: Stay away from this one. You don’t want this level of crazy.

Craigslist Link: 1977 Ford Pinto Cruising Wagon