This Chadmouth is a short one, but I just got done watching Anthony Bordain’s No Reservations show on TV where, while eating a fried pork chop gracefully placed between two halves of a soft yummy roll, he looked at the camera and told all the vegetarians of the world that there was no way they could make a substitute made of tofu. Tony rocks…and sometimes makes me think “What the hell is our fascination with substitutes?”

Light beer, Tofurkey, turkey bacon, or worse yet, pre-cooked turkey bacon. Seriously? Hell, my kids said they wished that every kind of food they like to eat was available in a box like instant mashed potatoes. Seriously? What the hell is going on here? They are the same kids that swear In-N-Out is great despite the fact that they only eat burgers that have meat, cheese, and the bun. Nothing else. No mayo, no sauce, no ketchup, no nothing. Why waste good In-N-Out for this? I don’t get it. I shouldn’t have to either.

In the name of easy and quick we’ve gotten so lazy and weird that we now have light beer and pre-cooked turkey bacon. Something just ain’t right here. Light beer is for getting drunk on without getting full. Pre-cooked turkey bacon is for earth cookie nut job moms who either never learned to cook, or are too “busy” so this makes bacon more “convenient”. And people like this wonder why they don’t have a sex life. It’s just not convenient enough.

What in the hell does this have to do with BangShift or cars?

Well, I have recently seen a story, and have heard people talking, about how you can get Big Block power from an LS engine. I find it interesting that someone would compare the power level to a Big Block specifically to interest the listener. Nobody listens if you say “My Big Block makes 5.3-like power.” So does that mean that you have to liken your LS to a Big Block in order to make it cool? Is the LS engine the light beer like substitute for a Big Block? I don’t think so.

I do think however that it is pretty sad that some people think so. Clearly they have Big Block envy. Let’s face it, no matter how good an LS engine gets it will never be as cool under the hood of ANYTHING as a Big Block is.

Put an LS engine of any displacement, any power level, and with any power adder, under the hood of a Vega, Camaro, Mustang, or whatever. Put the exact same car right next to it at any show or race with a Big Block in place of the LS, with all the same power adders, and it gets way more attention.

An LS engine doesn’t need to be placed in this position though. Hell, light beer would be okay if they weren’t always trying to compare its taste and good looks to real beer. Same with the LS engine. It’s a great engine. It makes killer power when built right. They can be built cheap. They don’t leak. They can be made to look nice even though they start out uglier than sin dipped in misery. You can make more power with a stock LS and some turbo help than you can with the same turbo help on any other stock GM engine. 

See? These are good things. Never once was a Big Block mention needed to say nice things about the LS. So stop it. 

And take some time to cook your kids a meal, do your spouse, and drink a real beer. After you are done with that, give us your favorite, errrr worst, substitutes! Tofurkey? Light beer? NOS Bottle Subwoofers? Turbo sound makers? Fat free butter?

Add yours to the list.