How risk-averse are you? Chances are, you aren’t too bad. You know to look both ways before crossing the street. You were taught to not talk to strangers or to ride with people you don’t know. (And if you use Uber or Lyft…congratulations, you forgot everything you were taught.) You eat food prepared for you by others, and you manage to move about your day without going into full-on panic attacks over every little thing. A two-inch puddle of water can drown you, and a trip-and-fall scenario can send you to the hospital. Did that stop you from stepping over the puddle as you walked through the parking lot full of parking curbs? We doubt it.

Where are we going with this? Straight to Australia, that’s where. For the second time this week, Australia, and specifically the safety lobbyist mentality that believes that cars are simply death traps on wheels, has come up with this poor bastard. This is Graham. Graham is an artistic representation of how the human body would appear if evolution somehow had factored in the ability of the human body to withstand an automobile crash. From Graham’s oversized skull (thicker to withstand impact, with more room for the brain to move, reducing or eliminating traumatic brain injuries) to his multi-directional knees and over-strenghtened rib cage and sternum, Graham represents…

Ok, you know what Graham really represents? A fear tactic. That’s what Graham represents. The goal of this project is to cause any human who sees the contorted shape of Graham’s body is going to look at it, say something to themselves like, “Oh, my…my car is that dangerous? Why am I driving that deathtrap?” and, hopefully, give up their car. Graham is part of Western Australia’s “Towards Zero” project, which is a road-safety project that aims to reduce road fatalities by 40% by 2020. To their credit, they understand that they cannot simply eliminate the likelihood of a fatal accident and that they are only going to be lessening the chances of a fatal or serious injury crash, but read into a couple of areas and as gearheads, a red flag or two might pop up: repeated mentioning of speed limit reductions and promotion of “community take up of safer vehicles and vehicle safety features”. Nevermind that a new car is an expensive proposition and that come 2017, any new car purchased in Australia is more than likely not going to support the Australian economy? There are people far more qualified than I to point out the details in that issue, but it’s there and needs to be considered.

But one look at Graham here and we have to wonder: why is it that this safety group acts like the car is completely at fault? Accidents happen. Licensed drivers who are responsible accept the risks whenever they get in, strap on that seatbelt, and turn the key. It’s no different the world over: there is a chance that when you start that car, that you might get injured driving it. The proper thing here is to encourage driver safety and training and to reinforce the value of the consequences of a driver’s actions behind the wheel, not to just go blaming the car for someone in the hospital. We drink today for two reasons: one, because Australia’s safety nazis are at it again, and because they made Quasimodo here. Imagine how he feels. Have a drink on his behalf and be sure to toast him properly: “Sorry, mate”.