Welcome to April Fools’ Day, the one day a year where every comedian in the shop or store sacks up and decides to test the limits of the phrase, “…it’s just a prank, bro!” UPCG isn’t a stick in the mud. I can enjoy a good prank like anybody and I’ve performed a few in my time. Harmless fun is just that…fun. But this is the age of the Internet, and of YouTube, and if you haven’t noticed from the news reports about viral videos, idiots who use that “just a prank” tagline as a way out of a situation where an ass-beating was more than deserved, or people who weren’t victims of a prank but were simply victims, then here’s a tip: expect at least one person to step over the line of acceptability this year.
So, to celebrate the day, I’ve put together a Top 11 list of workplace pranks that may be on the table, and I’ll give you my opinion on whether they are acceptable or not. Some are suggestions from UPCG followers on the Facebook page, others I’ve simply dredged up from the Internet. Feel free to leave your opinions in the comments section below!
11.The Wrap Job
A classic. As much Saran Wrap as it takes to turn someone’s car into an early Christmas present. Hey, it’ll stay fresher, longer!
Harm factor: low.
10. Engine First-Fire Fun
There’s having fun, and then there’s being a world-class smart ass.
Harm factor: Low…for the prank-ee. The prankster might have one coming, though.
9. Going Out Of Your Way For Vengence?
“You can ask for empty Boston creme donuts and fill them with mustard/mayo blend. One of the mechanics at the old shop thought it was egg salad donut and finished it.” -William G.
Harm Factor: Pretty sure that’s worth an ass-beating.
8. Oooh, pretty colors!
Washable acrylic colors, balanced on the wipers. Turn wiper switch on without power, wait until they leave, hope they don’t notice before they start the car.
Harm factor: …I actually wanna try this one out. Low harm.
7. Whoops. Dropped it.
Sugar glass! Not only will they hit the roof that you broke glass, but the expression on their face when you eat a shard of it will be priceless. If you can make enough into the shape of door glass or a rear-view mirror, you’re set, man.
Harm factor: none. Have a ball!
6. It’s a Blast!
The only reason you aren’t getting the video is because the resulting nudity isn’t permitted on BangShift. But trust us…you couldn’t get your own pants off faster if you had a Victoria’s Secret Angel giving you that look.
Harm factor: Low…if there are no phones around. So…medium. Your butt is gonna be on YouTube, for sure!
5. Now *THAT’S* an attention-getter!
Courtesy of Richard S.
Harm Factor: High. Nevermind the ringing in everybody’s ears, think about Bob’s pants!
4. It’s Like Hand Sanitizer, Right?
So much for your reputation. Go pour that back into your 55-gallon drum from whence it came.
Harm Factor: High, for many, many reasons, all of which make my skin crawl. Just f***ing ew, dude.
3. What’s That Smell?!
I’ve personally been a recipient of this nasal horror story. Could gag a maggot.
Harm factor: High, even higher if you are found to be the sprayer. Bodily injury may result, and you will be customer-free for at least the rest of that day.
2. The Veggie TrayAt least someone eats healthy around here.
Harm factor: Low, but mob rule may dictate otherwise.
1. The Unspeakable
Harm factor: GUARANTEED. And I’ll fire your ass afterwards.