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Slap Fight: Brian Vs Chad – We Insult Each Other Over Turbos and Nitrous

Slap Fight: Brian Vs Chad – We Insult Each Other Over Turbos and Nitrous

(Editor’s note: Welcome to Slap Fight! We’re going to try and make this a weekly part of the BangShift blog lineup. Long story short, this is a space where Chad and Brian take the gearhead debates they have with each other public. Like good racers, they were friends before Slap Fight and they will be friends after it, but while they’re in their helmets, and Lohnes always wears a helmet, they are going to battle. Your job? Pick a winner from this mess…if you can)

Lohnes’s side – Turbos all the friggin’ way. 

When thinking about how I was going to mount my defense for turbos, lots of ideas crossed my mind. I initially thought about going easy on Chad and using some subtle examples, maybe even some actual facts to support my argument, but I’m going to land some haymakers instead. Question one: How many guys have you ever seen at a car show with a fake turbo on their car for looks? Answer: NONE. Remember that time a guy got caught cheating for having a hidden turbo? Oh wait, you don’t, because that never happened. Ever seen a motor melted into a puddle of aluminum due to a faulty turbo solenoid? No? Me neither. Turbochargers dominate every form of racing they are allowed to compete in. Yeah, that’s right too, turbos have been banned in more places and by more racing rules committees than nitrous ever could think about. Also, I am pretty sure that turbos are legal on road going cars in the 39 states where nitrous isn’t. Let me check on that…yup, I am right. (Neither of us are allowed to cheat and see the other guy’s rant, so I am going on what I think Chad will say below.)

I bet Chad is going to spring the, “Turbo kits are expensive and nitrous kits are cheap!” junk on us. Yes, the initial cost of entry certainly makes nitrous seem like the best option, but guess what kids? People make you pay to have that bottle refilled. Depending on where you are and when you are buying you could be into a bottle from $35-50 a fill. If you actually drive your junk hard you’ll be snarfing through those bottles like Tony Montana did with Peruvian marching powder. Next up, “Turbos are complicated to install!” Sure, a turbo kit is harder to install than a plate system or a single nozzle dry shot setup. Once you start to step on your junk  and move up to a multi-stage nitrous system that is plumbed into the intake manifold, I’d bet dollars to donuts you’ll have more time in the plumbing work than I did installing my turbo…and I’d still kick your ass, then drive home.

Lastly…What does Larry Larson have on his car? That’s what I thought.

Your turn big boy…

Chad’s side – Bring on the snails baby, it’s the Big Blue Bottle all the Way.

Sure, the easy way out of this argument is to say that turbos cost too much and that they are hard to put on a car. I’m not going there. It’s more about the instant gratification. Give me two hours and I can install a stand alone nitrous system on most any car. Really… I’ve seen me do it. And that’s not even my stand alone “rental car” unit. And unlike adding turbos, the nitrous setup doesn’t make your junk run hot when just trying to drive down the road, because it only ads power when you need it. And when you do need it, there is nothing cooler than pressing the button and feeling the hit. If you follow the instructions from NOS and guys like Monte Smith, it’s safe, effective, and fun. Sorta like Viagra. Hell, they share the same side effects, and that wouldn’t stop you from using the little blue pill. The most common side effects of VIAGRA are headache, facial flushing, and upset stomach. Less commonly, bluish vision, blurred vision, or sensitivity to light may briefly occur. Source: Viagra.com

And so what if there are some side effects, we all know it’s worth the risk. Melted pistons? Come on. Get real. More turbo guys are clueless on tuneups and melt pistons at a typical PSCA or NMCA/NMRA race than nitrous guys. Nitrous is a completely safe, fun power adder. Get over it boys and girls, you too can learn to love the blue bottle.

And while turbos are all the rage and arguably one of the coolest looking things you can add to your engine, nobody ever pulled up to to a street race and started looking for the hidden turbos. That’s because they aren’t afraid of them because you can tell how big they are just by looking! Plus, turbos are allowed in all kinds of “professional” racing. Nitrous isn’t allowed in any of them. That’s because it’s only for the cool outlaw kids. Guys like Chad Henderson who spray 3 or 4 kits on a 295 drag radial. So do you want to be one of the cool kids? Or just another guy with a turbo 5.0 or LS? Does that hurt your feelings? Sorry, grow a pair and spray your turbo motor. Now we are talking! Think it’s a bad idea? Think again. The cool kids are doing it for sure…where they will allow it. Again, too crazy for some of the weak minded.

And finally…with Hot Rod and Car Craft and everyone else showing how to make big power on stock parts with a turbo, anyone can do it. Or so they think. And yet they still don’t have the hair on the sacks to push a simple little button. Hmmmm, maybe you should trade in your hot rodder pants for a pair of manpris and get yourself a ticket to a Formula One race. They are going back to turbos too.

Dude, your hair is messed up. Get out the hair dryer and some mousse and you can fix that. 

[box_light]What do you think of today’s Slap Fight? Let us know and watch for our response to each other tomorrow. [/box_light]

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18 thoughts on “Slap Fight: Brian Vs Chad – We Insult Each Other Over Turbos and Nitrous

  1. Dave Nutting

    Chad sure does know a lot about Viagra….

    Oh right, a winner. Turbos, since they don’t “run out” once you install them.

  2. Whelk

    Hells yeah. Turbos give you all their power, ALL THE TIME. The blue bottle? gotta save that for those special occasions. Sort of like the difference between being in shape and huffing amphetamines.

  3. rattler

    Alright children stop arguing; grownups use superchargers. Centrifugal, roots, screw, it doesn’t matter. Simple, safe, the power is there all the time. Children love things that glitter, flash, and make noise. Adults, they know what matters………superchargers……….

    1. Speedy

      Sorry, but superchargers are for kids who are too lazy or cheap to build a proper turbo mill (or prevented by rules to run turbos).

      Legendary Studebaker Ted Harbit is a great example of someone who “kicked the belt” in favor of exhaust-driven boost, and went much quicker and faster.

      Even BMW figured out turbos were better when they dumped the antique Roots for a more efficient turbo on the latest generation Mini Cooper S.

      When’s the last time a supercharged car won Drag Week? Or an F1 race? Or the 24 Hours of Le Mans? Or the Indy 500?

  4. ka67_72

    If Chad really believes in nitrous he needs to put a Fogger on the Suburban since he wouldn’t turbo it.


  5. Speedy

    Sorry, Chad, but Lohnes spooled ya.

    (Of course if Buford T. Justice were ever to line up against a certain Marauder, I’d be searching for Chad’s rental car gym bag set up . . . . )

    But I can’t help but think this debate is a bit like watching Coy and Vance Duke when we really want to see Bo and Luke (i.e. the infamous BS duo of TC and DG) duke it out . . . .

    On the other hand, if Brian grabs a handful of Chad’s beard . . . .


    15 years ago, I’d have said Nitrous. But, with today’s technology, Turbos hands down.

    Maybe we should take a page form the Rick Dobberton handbook, and use Turbos, Blowers and a Fogger all on the same car. 😉

  7. Ed

    love the concept of the weekly slap fight, and you guys are hilarious as usual.

    BUT, your argument is moot – who said you can’t have BOTH? That’s the real winner.

    1. Chad Reynolds

      I said you can have both!!! And that you should have both. Turbos are good, but turbos with nitrous are great!

  8. Bobby J

    Good post. Most turbos are either off or on in my experience, not unlike the button.
    Just remember there is no substitute for cubic inches.

  9. N2Ova

    How best to create higher cylinder pressure depends on the specific application. For the Drive-It-To-The-Track, Lay-Down-Some-Blistering ETs, And-Drive-It Home application: Higher cylinder pressure can be created by installing high compression pistons, which turn/run/wear 100% of the time the engine is running, require race gas, and render a car un-streetable; or by installing a supercharger (roots blowers create intake-charge heat, superchargers have parisitic drag) or a turbocharger (requires a lot of parts/plumbing/space including an intercooler) both of which turn/run/wear 100% the time the engine is running; or by installing N2O, which keeps a car streetable, which does not have any parts that turn/run/wear while the engine is running, and (here’s the best part) creates higher cylinder pressure only for those few seconds down the track when it’s needed!

    1. Speedy

      The “turn/run/wear 100% the time the engine is running” argument is way overstated. Countless turbocharged Class 4 through Class 8 commercial trucks each run hundreds of thousands of miles a year without failure. When not in “boost”, turbos merely idle at low r.p.m. with virtually no wear.

      There have been litterally millions of turbocharged cars built that have run long service lives without problems (most turbo problems are a function of failing to change motor oil/filters, oil coking in an old-fashioned, non-water cooled bearing housing, or getting too greedy with the tune)

      Nitrous, on the other hand, has a not altogether undeserved reputation for blowing up engines if the tune, the install, and the on-going system maintenance are not all perfect (who hasn’t seen a nitrous fireball?). And more than one big-time racer has reported engine maintenance costs have decreased after switching from multi-staged “spray” to turbocharging (which tends to be much easier on parts than the violent “hit” of serious “squeeze”). In fact, in some series, nitrous racers have actively campaigned for limits on turbo cars because of their “unfair” advantage.

  10. N2Ova

    Argument? Overstated? I simply compared the mechanical/hard-part requirements of superchargers/turbos (geez, I hate to say it, but if turbos require water-cooled bearing housings, you’ve made my point) vs. the absence of any such requirements with N2O. And, that for a street-driven drag-race car, N2O is increased cylinder pressure only when it’s needed. Hard to argue against that.

    As to blown up engines, 1) you correctly note that it isn’t the N2O that blows them up, it’s the mismanagement of the N2O, and 2) funny, nobody says much when non-N2O engines blow up.

    Campaigns for limits on turbo cars is to be expected, as each group (N2O, naturally aspirated, turbo) is a special-interest (themselves), and as such will always campaign for the benefit of that special-interest.

    Two new thoughts:
    1) Turbo Cars=Big Expectations. Be prepared to be snickered at in the pits if you drive your intercooled turbo car into the track and can’t run at least the low 9’s (or in the 8’s or much better for a trailered car).
    2) Much more fun to drive-in low-tech/low-profile packing some N2O in the trunk, and line up as the apparent underdog against a 10-sec big-tire trailered-car.

  11. TheSilverBuick

    LOL, got to love the premise of the slap fight. Perfect format and rules too =D I think Bruab has this one. I hate running out of things I can’t get easily.

  12. Greenjunk

    You’re both idiots, you’re supposed to use both of them at the same time. When have one or the other, when you can have both.

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