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Chad’s Beard Quits BangShift – The Official Announcement

Chad’s Beard Quits BangShift – The Official Announcement

After failing to reach a contractual agreement, the beard that has adorned Chad Reynolds’ chin for years will no longer be associated with BangShift after April 15, 2016. The two sides met long into the night in a last ditch effort to keep the beard on board, but it was not to be. Both sides are fairly tight lipped about what the issues in securing a contract were.

“On behald of my client, the beard, I need to say that these guys (Lohnes and Reynolds) are morons of the first order,” beard attorney Cheatum Howe said. “The only thing that has seen Chad’s chin since Bill Clinton was president is now taking it’s services elsewhere and the world will soon see the gahstly truth about what lies beneath that luxiourious chin mane,” he continued.

Tensions mounted between the beard and BangShift co-owners Reynolds and Lohnes, after a late night of drinking last summer. “That beard doesn’t know what he is walking away from,” bemoaned BangShift co-conspirator Brian Lohnes. “He’s freaking chin pubes and for some reason thinks that because he can hold onto burrito chunks, keys, the occasional bottle cap, sun tan lotion, and an original copy of the Declaration of Independance, he’s bigger than the site. Newsflash pal, you’re HAIR!”

Finally reached for comment, the beard had this to say, “After telling me that I was an important part of the puzzle at BangShift and that we were all hopping onto the slow boat to super stardom, I bought in. I really wanted to be a part of it. Then the cracks started showing. Finally, I’m trying to negotiate a contract and get told that the second another grey hair arrives, I am toast…just like that. Not to mention the fact that on more than one occasion, I have seen that crazy woman (Chad’s better half Daphne) creeping up with sissors and hair buzzers. No one should live in fear like that.”

Inside sources now say that Reynolds may be moving in the fu manchu direction for the coming year. We’ll keep you updated.


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17 thoughts on “Chad’s Beard Quits BangShift – The Official Announcement

  1. T'dice

    Most beards have some the pressure taken off them by being part of double act with a moustache. Although moustaches are capable of a solo act not many beards can cope, kudos to this beard for going it alone for so long. Finnegan’s beard couldn’t cope and eventually called in some help to deal with face covering duties.

    However, despite its resilience, I think it’s fair to say that this beard has been hogging the limelight for too long and a moustache or even side burns are long overdue some time on Mr Reynolds face. It’s only fair that they be given a chance to make their mark on motorsport and journalism in the way this beard has been allowed.

  2. malc

    It´s departure will leave Chad looking ten years younger.
    It´ll be a big weight off his jaw.

  3. john

    Hope it changes his voice. If only his hat would join and refuse to be worn backwards, so annoying on an adult. 🙂

  4. jerry z

    We’ll all miss you Chad……NOT!

    No really we’ll all miss you…..NOT!

    No really…NOT!

    NO! You really leaving?

  5. Dan M

    I’ve heard rumors that the White side of Uncle Si’s beard is unhappy with his contract at A&E and is considering a change. This would be the opportunity of a lifetime at BANGshift to garner national media attention with the addition of a truly stellar beard.

  6. Pizzandoughnuts

    You could always take it and sew it onto a fire suit, with a Bangshift patch above it of course.

  7. Luther Hopp

    Since this is April 1 will awesome it is all in fun. However if you ever choose to shave your face remember to do it in winter as shaving with a face tan leaves a real funny looking face where the hair used to block the sun. Kinda of like the 50/50 bar look we get when we work with shirt off and long pants and then go to the beach with shorts. Seriously though thanks for all your live event coverage was especially glad to see you back at Famosa.

  8. Chevy Hatin' Mad Geordie

    Call that a beard, Chad?

    Wor lass has more hair in her armpits and sure is better looking!

  9. Rob

    OOPS – On some grandmothers. Truly I was laughing so much, no time to proof read my reply.

  10. Larry 1320

    Attorney Cheatun Howe of the firm of Dewey Cheatum & Howe I have used that firm with great results – NOT

    Happy fool day!

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