DETROIT – The American Civil Liberties Union will announce today that they have taken up the cause of pushrods who wish to sue the Ford Motor Company for discrimination. The pushrods believe that they have been unfairly restricted from working on any Ford V8 engines, despite the fact that other large volume manufacturers use pushrods in their engines.
“This isn’t about us hating Ford, it is about us standing up for all the other parts out there who are being kept from doing their jobs,” said an angry pushrod. “I have uncles and cousins still working their asses off in Ford 5.0 engines from 20 years ago! It isn’t right that I have to sit here and pray that some lunkhead with a three pound sledge hammer will pick me up and use me as some sort of ghetto drift. That’s not living!”
Ford has eschewed pushrods in the mainstay car and truck V8 engines for more than 10 years now. The pushrods have had enough. “Look, we’re at the point that even solid lifter engines are looking good to us,” said another pushrod who we could not identify as being different from the first other than what sounded like a fake English accent. “Yes, riding with your fanny on a nice cushy hydraulic lifter is really the sheep’s tits, but when the lash is perfect on a solid roller, great things can happen.”
Another pushrod piped up from the back, “GM and Chrysler put us in millions of engines a year. For some reason Ford thinks that their tailpipe emissions don’t stink and they can ignore the simple, yeoman, pushrod. Maybe they could have in years past, but not any more. We’re organized!”
Ford could not be reached for comment on the lawsuit.